Everyone is Different...Therefore Everyone is Special

I am what you would call, an "emotional guy". The bottom line is that I wear my emotions on my sleeve for all the world to see. It took me many years to come to terms with this, and realize that it truly is how the Lord created me. When I accepted that I was not the type to hold in everything, my life became much easier, and I had much more peace in my view of myself and the world around me.

One thing I am learning is that each person is unique. God created them in the exact way He wanted, and gave them the specific characteristics that make them who they are. I think that many times, one of the largest barriers we have with others is that we try to figure others out, based on the perspective of life that we have. When we view a response from another person that we can't understand, most of the time we view that action as being in some way incorrect. (Even if we don't outwardly say it). As I walk through life, I am trying more and more to try to acquire the understanding of the perspective of the people around me. How do I do this? Well, as I mentioned when I first started writing, I am what you would call a tad bit emotional, from that I must realize that the majority of those I am around will not have as much emotion coming into play when they deal with a decision. Therefore, the rational, and thought process that they face when coming to decision will be different than mine. While I can probably relate to the having to make a certain decision, there is probably not much of a common ground when it comes to the way the mind works while forming the final conclusion. What does all this mean in simple language?

Honestly, I don't really know, but in the end one thing I am sure of is that the Lord created everyone unique. There has never been anyone He created, or that He will create that will take your place in His eyes. His relationship with you, is His relationship with you, it is special to Him, unique to Him, and the way in which he relates to you is different and unique from the way He relates to anyone else ever made! How Awesome is that. As the old saying goes, "He meets us where we are at", but he also walks with us to the place where he wants us to go.

With all that being said, the thought of how important each person is to God, makes me respect them, and their uniqueness all the more. They were created to serve a special purpose for the Lord that only they can serve, and He loves them so much that He died for them. Shouldn't I have a similar attitude for anyone and everyone on this Earth? Shouldn't I try to respect them for how God created them, even if it doesn't make much sense to me? After all, the Lord loves them perfectly, just how they were created, and He finds a tremendous amount of beauty in the way they think, act, and make decisions.

Distractions, Distractions, Distractions

Could it be that we supplement our lives with constant distractions, in order to ignore the pain that pulses through our veins every hour of every day? Could it be that we have been born into a society and culture that has brain washed us into believing that there is no such thing as "peace"? Could it be that we actually believe that in the end the only hope we have of making it is by finding something with which we can drown out the constant barrage of painful thoughts, emotions, and hurts that have been built up over a quarter century of life? Could it be that our hearts, souls and minds are filled to overflowing with hollow promises of materialism, prosperity, and the self-made man/woman mentality?

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:1-2

Everywhere you turn there is something to distract you from facing your pain. Television, Internet, movies, shopping, radio, and on and on and on. Why on Earth would would we ever want to SIT STILL and WAIT and LISTEN to that "still small voice", when there are so many other so called "interesting and fun things" to get our mind off of our own pitiful existence? We don't feel the need to be saved, when in the end we have the ability to convince ourselves that we are really not that bad off......I mean we have all the advantages in the World! We are the "me" generation. We have seen technology advance beyond our parents wildest imagination. Space has been explored, the Cold War has ended, we have the strongest, richest, and most prosperous nation under the sun, and we are in line to be the next generation of leaders. Why on Earth would we want to take time to stop, be still, and listen to something that may actually point out to us that we are not that which we have convinced ourselves that we are? We might find that in reality all that we have is not from us, by us, or for us,...we might find out that we in the end our not the one's in control, we might find out that everything does not revolve around what we "feel" is right, and that there is no such thing as relativism!

The ironic thing about all of this is that our souls have been crying out to us to find PEACE, and through all of the distractions with which we have searched to find it, we have in the end only found more chaos. In all the running, and searching, we have become convinced that there is only a partial glimpse of peace that can be found on this Earth, and that the best we can do is distract ourselves from facing the reality of our finite existence.

There is a place where peace can be found.

There is hope.

The only thing you need to overcome is yourself.

Start over, learning the truth about the one thing you have always fooled yourself into thinking would not be the answer.

Begin in the beginning...John 1:1

Jesus is the word.

The word made flesh.

He is just as much alive today as he was prior to his crucifixion.

Do you know who he is?

Or do you just convince yourself you do?

He is the way, the truth, and the life.

He is the Prince of Peace.

He can't be found in the television, movies, shopping, Internet, or any other place that you may turn to for peace from your hurt.

He is found in His Word.

The simple book that has been around much longer than you, and which will abide forever. The little book that for so many years you have ignored, and said you would read someday.

Where is the peace? Where is true freedom? Where is God's will for your life? The same place it has always been...in his word.

The Simple, but Perfect Word of God.

"The Heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?"
Jeremiah 17:9

Are you going to trust your own heart? It will deceive you. Truth is from God, and is eternal and perfect. The only way to know it, is to seek it. It does not change. It changes what it touches.

One Awesome Weekend

After two months of planning, coordinating, and praying, Dallas One has arrived and left. Saturday was an incredible day of service, fellowship, and worship with over 500 young singles from the DFW metroplex participating.(Over 60 churches were represented).

My day began at 8:00 am, when I stopped in to get Krispy Kremes for my team mates. I then proceeded down to meet my team for a few hours of work, before I had to head off to manage the other teams I was responsible for. At about 12:00, the other teams started on their projects, and from that moment on, I was in trouble shooting mode. The one thing I strongly remember about the many details that needed to be addressed, was the amazing way that the Lord seemed to work them out right in front of my eyes. I probably received 25 phone calls within about a 20 minute span, and they all seemed to be addressed within an hour or two.

While I could go into detail after detail, I feel the best thing to write about is the amazing take aways from the day.

1. It was a very powerful day of worship through service, there were many who were blessed through the tremendous efforts of young singles from all over DFW.

2. The Body of Christ was reaching out and showing love to hundreds of people in hundreds of ways.

3. The stereotypical "slacker generation" label was proven 100% inappropriate for the labeling of this group of generation x'ers.

4. It was one of those days in your life you know you will never forget.

Thank you for all the prayers and support. Life has suddenly slowed down quite drastically, and I should be able to post with more frequency now.

Marriage Anyone?

Think about this. Women are naturally emotional creatures, I don't think that many will argue with that, and men are naturally logical. Lets think on that for a bit:

In the marriage covenant, the Lord places a woman (emotionally driven), with a man (logic driven). Could it be that the woman is representing the unconditional love (although far from perfect), that the Lord shows for us as we mess up over, and over again, and the man to represent his righteous judgment (an even farther from perfection model, but hey this is a fallen world and perfection is going to come on the other side of eternity)?
Now let me break this down:

A woman has a tendency, being the more emotional partner, to be able to hold on to a relationship through many mistakes and hurts inflicted by the male counterpart. Her emotion drives her ability (while at times to get incredibly upset) to also be able, and desire to, reconcile after the painful emotions have subsided. Reversing many of the instances of conflict would probably result in a man leaving and not returning. So, the woman in the end is given a more natural ability to "love", through hurt, pain, suffering, due to the gifts of her emotions. This is a (while at many times muddy mirrored) view to the world of the unconditional and perfect love that Christ gives us.

The man, on the other hand, is given to more of a logical (black and white) vantage point, and from that could be seen as representing the righteous judgment (and like I said, this may in the end, be an even muddier mirrored image) of the Lord to us. A man, more often than not does not let the emotion of the hurt interfere with the justice of the outcome of the incident, ie they can agree to disagree, and also want to punish the opposite side of the equation because in the fallen state of mind they view it as a "just" response. On the positive side, this logical side gives the world a view of how the Lord deals with our actions, with emotion being set aside, there are certain consequences that He allows us to face due to our attitude of sin.

Now lets go even deeper,

In Ephesians 5, God calls men to love their wives as Christ loves the church. This is in all actuallity the complete opposite of the natural way they are created. It lines up much more towards the disposition of woman.

Woman, on the other hand, is called to submit to her husband, as to the Lord, once again, completely opposite of her natural ability, due to the uncontrollable emotions, and desire to love that drives her. This command is much more representative of something that a man naturally does. How? A man, by seeing logic, understands that when someone is put in leadership above them, it is logical to follow because of the position they were given, thus respect is a natural by-product of the position given.

So lets tie it all together. Women naturally are given the ability to reflect the unconditional love of Christ, and men given the ability to reflect the judgement of Christ. We are then given to each other in marriage, and commanded to work on doing the exact opposite of what we naturally are able to do. Now does anyone else see the sanctification at work in this process? No wonder marriage is hard right? No wonder it is also fulfilling! Within the confines of marriage, we are able to exploit our natural tendency (which is the easiest thing in the world for us to do), and at the same time, are constantly being taught how to grow in the opposite of that, the most unnatural thing in the world!(which is one of the hardest things to do!).

Marriage is certainly a "mystery" as Paul writes, but what an amazing thing?

I'm definetly turning into an old man

Okay, for most of my life, various people have referred to me as "old man", this occurred for different reasons at different times: I was always much taller than the kids my age in elementary school, I always went to bed early and studied all the time during high school and college, and lately, well lately, people just call me "weird" most of the time.

This morning, for the first time, in my almost 26 years on this Earth can I say that I actually started feeling the physical effects of growing older.....

Yesterday at church was the young singles second annual Turkey Bowl, and for those of you unfamiliar, this is a large flag football competition between the different young singles classes at P-Wood. While yesterday I had a great time running around, jumping, trying grab the football out of the hands of the offense, the effects of all that movement reared their ugly head as I awoke out of a peaceful sleep and began to get ready for work.

When the alarm clock sounded, I opened my eyes and realized that my legs were certainly not working as they normally do, as I rolled over to hit the alarm clock my world was shaken by the intensity of the stiffness in my lower body. "AAAHHHH! my legs are soar!", I yelled out to the birds that annoyingly perch outside my bedroom window! I got out of bed, and hobbled around the rest of the morning getting ready, (getting my clothes on for work was quite the adventure). As I stepped out of the house, it occurred to me, the old body, although never really close to athletic excellence in the past, certainly ain't what it used to be! I kind of smiled to myself, and the thought crossed my mind, "Whelp, I guess it's time that the phrase "old man", started being applied to your physical condition, as well as your mental condition! It's all down hill from here!" haha.

Side note, I have actually experienced pain shooting through muscles that I didn't even know existed today.......do you have a muscle close to your spleen? If not, then something is certainly majorly wrong! hahaha

Update

As per my last post,
I am busy, and now I am sick....keep the prayers up!

AAAHHHH!!!!!

Well, this is more of an update blog, but I'll try to put some interesting things in for all those non-family members that read regularly. I have once again found myself in a whirlwind of activities. I have a tendency to over commit sometimes, because I want to help wherever help is needed. So, that being said, based on the past couple of weeks I can now officially say, "I am busy". Work is picking up as we wind down the year, and are trying to get projects wrapped up, and that is only the beginning.

I am very excited about a new service project taking place up here in big D called Dallas One. Now, without going into too much detail about the history and greatness of it all, I will say, please check out the website for all the details. But, in short, it is an AWESOME, AWESOME, ministry that incorporates singles from all over DFW, for a day of service, worship, and fellowship in the second week of December. For all of you Dallas "young singles" out there, who haven't registered, please take a minute to register online. Our goal is to have participation from at least 800 singles in DFW. We are a little behind, but we still have a month or so to get registrants!

www.dallasone.org


I am still participating in my b-study class, and the homeless downtown weekly, so please keep me in your prayers for strength, and encouragement as I go go go go go! Bottom line is that I wouldn't want it any other way, I love it. I have to say that I have been able to see God move in my life in AMAZING Ways over the last few months, and I am so so excited to see where He leads from here.

One note, I heard a message the other day on noise....how, if we sit and be still, that in reality there is always noise going on around us. How often do we really get to a "quite place?" Just us and the Lord, in order to hear him speak? I have been trying to turn off all noise in the times when I am alone. Not even any radio or Cd's in the car (Sorry Toby Mac!). It has been really good, although it is surprising how much noise is still not filtered out. Even at my apartment, sitting in total silence, I still hear the jets flying overhead, the neighbors walking upstairs, radios from cars blaring, and people walking around outside. There really isn't much silence in the city, so making a time and place to find it, becomes all the more important. Jesus sometimes went up on a mountain, just to get away from the crowd. How much time do we spend, seeking silence, away from noise? In this day and age, distractions are countless, and escaping silence has never been easier, but God speaks in the silence many times, and just think, we may have too much noise running around all around us, to be able to hear from Him.

I GOT IT!!!!!!

I am not sure if I wrote about this back in July, but this is a picture of me at the Celebrate Freedom concert with Todd Agnew, one of the performers. (Much love to Amanda, for giving up her picture autograph, so that I could have both!). Anyway, many of you may have seen my Ireland hat that has the autographs on it, and have inquired about who those autographs were. Here is one right here. Now, Todd Agnew autographed, and also wrote the reference to Ephesians 6:15, which is Paul talking about the whole armor of God, specifically the sandals of peace:

"and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace."

Now, ever since he wrote this scripture I have wondered and thought, and thought about the meaning behind it. Is that his favorite verse, is that a reference he uses in every autograph? I just couldn't figure it out, it was such an interesting verse.

Well today, I am sitting and listening to the radio at work, and the newest Todd Agnew song starts to play, and it is really, really good. So my mind begins to drift back to that day when he signed my hat, and then pieces started clicking together in my mind! It all clicked! I finally understand why he chose that verse! If you look close at the picture above, you might figure it out too....... Can you see it?

Well, for some reason I remembered the shirt I was wearing that day! Can you read it?

It says "I Have Issues" Ha Ha!!! Do you see now? He was telling me to have peace in my issues!!! hahahahahaha! I love it, it is so awesome!

Psalm 31

Just a quick note, the Dentist went great yesterday! No cavities (although I do have to get some old cavities re-filled :(. (Yes, I am a grown man that uses emoticons!) By the way, dental insurance rocks! I wish there was such a thing as haircut insurance.

Anyway, I was reading yesterday and came across this Psalm, but the part that really hit me was this:

Blessed be the Lord, for he has wondrously shown his steadfast love to me when I was in a besieged city. I had said in my alarm, "I am cut off from your sight." But you heard the voice of my pleas for mercy when I cried for help.

Love the Lord, all you his saints! The Lord preserves the faithful but abundantly repays the one who acts in pride. Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord!

Psalm 31: 21-24

After reading this I thought, "How many times do I get into a tough place and then scream at the top of my lungs, "Where are you Lord?!, I am certainly cut off from you right now! Please come save me!!!" Like how David says "I had said in my alarm". That is me right there, I get a little raddled along the path and I'm like Lord, Lord, it is difficult now, I am under attack! But, the Lord, hears my cries for help. He is there, and when the attack is over, I feel him there and know that He was there all along. I was not cut off, only being taught things like faith, and trust. I realize how weak and incapable I am, and find myself ashamed for lack of faith in my struggle.

Like David, the realization comes THE LORD PRESERVES THE FAITHFUL!, Why can't I ever remember that! But, what the struggle allows me to do is encourage those around me after it is over, and say: "Be Strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait on the Lord!" It is an awesome cycle of glorifying the Lord. The Lord is faithful, and when he lets us go into a besieged city, although we feel he has left, he is there, and he hears us. What we fail to realize is that He is growing and stretching and strengthening us, so that when the battle is over, and we look back we have seen Him faithful.

Then, we are placed around others who are facing their own besieged cities, and because we have truly learned this lesson, we are able to say to them with confidence, Be Strong!! Take Courage! The Lord preserves the faithful! You may not feel or see Him right now, but know this, He is there. Just wait. Just wait.

Dentist

Today, I go to the dentist for the first time in a while! I am somewhat nervous about what is going to be found. If any of you are regulars readers, you will recall a post a few months back where I expressed my addiction to the candy here at work, well to say the least, this has not diminished over the last few months. I am up to like 4 to 5 pieces (small pieces) a day now. I know that I have got at least one cavity, and am thinking maybe two, that are going to need to be filled, and I also still have my wisdom teeth, which every dentists wants to be pulled out like the moment you are 21.

Yes, it should be an interesting experience today as I get to see how much money will be shelled out on my grill over the next few months. Speaking of, on a the cover of one of the Dallas weekly newspapers, I saw a headline, "White Girl with a Grill", and a picture of this white girl who was probably in her twenties that had a full grill! Maybe I should get a grill....what do you think? Gold, Silver, Platinum, or Diamond?!

Update on the Toby Mac Cd situation.....The cd is still in the player, and we are going on over a month now, my buddy Brian, (see link in my favorites) suggested that I try getting some of the condensed air that is used to clean the computer and spray it in the cd player in order to "raddle it loose". Well Brian, let me say it did not work, and now I have a can of condensed air in my truck that I don't have the slightest idea what to do with. Also, every once in a while, I get the urge to spray the inside of the cd player again, in the hopes that by some miracle the cd will just pop out, and every time it doesn't work! Anyway, I have begun to look at other cd players, while I do appreciate Toby Mac, he is getting pretty old.

The World Can Sure Beat You Up!

Well, I just wanted to take a few minutes and encourage everyone! This has been a tough week so far, and as I thought about it this morning. I realized that sometimes the World can just beat you up. After thinking about it, I decided I needed to write something for those of you out there who may be facing some tough things as well.

"I have said these things to you that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart I have overcome the world." John 16:33

"Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world." 1 John 4:4

"then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials.." 2 Peter 2:9

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are NOT WORTH comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Romans 8:18

Hang in there! This too shall pass. Joy comes with the morning!

Keep stepping, keep loving, keep praising, keep worshipping, keep giving, keep obeying, keep focusing, keep going.......

Remember you serve a special purpose for the Lord that no one else can serve, you have a mission given specifically for you, and that is unlike anyone else.

We are part of a body, and we need each hand, foot, eye, and ear to do its part. When one of us hurts, we all hurt, when one of us is blessed, we are all blessed.

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to bless you and keep you and not to harm you." Jeremiah 29:11

Renovating Diverse City!

About three weeks ago, I bought a new Cd, "Renovating Diverse City" from Toby Mac, of former DC Talk fame. This is actually the second time I purchased this cd, as my first copy is now in the ownership of another, but that my friends is a whole different, and long story.

Anyway, I was in Wal-Mart here while back, looking through the cd's (I think I was talking to Nene on the phone at the same time), when I found this cd on sale for under $8.00. Well, me, not being one that wants to pass up a chance to fuel the world's largest retailer by a purchase, decide to pick up a second copy. Well, now that I think about it, this is actually my third purchase of this cd, (I bought one for my brother way, way back like two years ago). Anyway, needless to say, I support Toby Mac!

Back to the story. So, I am super pumped about my new music, as I usually am, and open it as soon as I get in my truck after leaving Wal-Mart. As I begin listening through the tracks, I am reminded how much I really do love this cd, I mean Christian Hip-Hop from a white guy, its AWESOME! ( I often wonder if we will get to hear Christian Hip Hop in heaven) I think we might, and its going to be awesome!

But I digress, a third time. After driving around most of the day listening to TB, I get to a point where I want to listen to something else. So, I hit the eject button, and there is a problem, the cd player decides it does not want to give me the cd back. And.....after three weeks, it still does not want to give me the cd back. Now, one thing about it, the cd does still play, it just won't eject. So, in conclusion, I just wanted to say that I have lsitened to this cd about 700 times (okay this is an exaggeration, for those of you who might think I am being serious) over the past three weeks.

On a sad note about this, I can honestly say that I am no closer to gaining any rhythm or great rhyming skills after all of this listening, although I do have a pretty good head bob going on, now that I have memorized the beat patterns hahaha.

Should have known something was wrong

In the fridge at work, we have different carbonated drinks for everyone. There are the staples: Coke, Dr. Pepper, Diet Coke, and even Diet Pepsi. I noticed a while back that there were some caffeine free, Diet Cokes that never seemed to get drunk (tense?). Anyway, me, getting tired of looking at them there, grab one, and start to drink. I wasn't paying much attention as I took the first few drinks, as I was distracted with all the work I have at 4:15 on Friday afternoon. But, I just kept thinking, man this thing tastes, very "tasteless", almost like carbonated water, after a another drink, I ignored the thought and kept working. Finally, I take the last drink, and then something clicks in my head, this drink doesn't taste anything like the last caffeine free diet coke I drank. Then, remembering the fact that the cans have been sitting in the bottom of the fridge for as long as I could remember, I decided to look at the bottom of the can for the expiration date, this my friends, would probably have been information I would rather not have read.

EXPIRED 11/2005! NOOOOO!!!!!!!

Now all I can do is sit, and wait, to determine if this was a mistake, based on the reaction from my stomach. Who knows? Maybe everything will be fine, or maybe I will be hugging the toilet in a few minutes, I have never drank a coke that expired almost a year earlier. That is all.

-Josh

Grace

I thought a bunch today about grace. I think that sometimes I don't take near enough time to ponder this amazing gift from the Lord. How much love does he have for us, how much does he forgive?

As I sat and reflected on the things in my life that I have done to hurt myself, others, and the Lord, I just became so thankful for His grace. He saves us even though we crucified Him. He loves us, even though we beat Him and killed Him. He loved us before we ever began down a path of sin, and pride that day in and day out is spitting in his face. He loved us, loves us now, and will forever love us and forgive us. We go through the battle each day, and sometimes we fall, sometimes we stand, and sometimes we just "be", but his grace is so great, and his love so deep, that he forgives the failures, and looks path the apathy. We are so unworthy of what He gives us, and yet at times we sit and beg for more, more, more. Isn't grace enough? The fact that he reaches down into nothing, and pulls us out and loves us so deeply, forgetting how wretched we are, and how many times we have, and will continue to stab him in the back with our actions, motivations, and devotions?

Yesterday I read this verse from Paul:

But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.

Acts 20:24

If only we could start living life with such an attitude, get past all our wants, and quit holding ourselves up as something that is "worthy" of anything, because we are not. To view our life as not having any value outside of Jesus, and glorifying Him, because He is really the only one worthy of anything.

Instead of this, we get in a place where we feel we deserve, or are due, or should not be facing a certain circumstance. If only we could start looking at ourselves as not worthy of anything we have already been given by Christ, and therefore can only live in debt to Him for something we could never repay, by focusing only on giving all that we are back to Him and realizing it is not nearly enough.

I always find myself

logging into my e-mail accounts like 45 times a minute during the last 15 minutes of the work day. Im not really sure what I am looking for, just hoping something, anything will arrive in the inbox in order help the last 15 minutes of the day move a little faster. A bill, spam, a forward of a forward, asking that I forward a four leaf clover or face dire consequences...I don't care at this point. E-mail, its like crack.

-Josh

A More Personal Blog

Its been a while since I wrote more of a personal blog. It's on my heart today.

Sometimes I stop and forget to think ahead to the eternal life that is in Christ. I get focused on the day by day steps, and tend not to look too far past the end of my nose if I can keep from it. Over the last few days though, I have been hearing/reading/talking about the book of Revelation. This is what I wanted to write, as I opened the Word today I opened to Revelation Chapter 21:

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."

Revelation 21:1-4

How awesome a day when we will be with Jesus, God the Father, and the Spirit? The dwelling place of God will be WITH man! I don't think there is enough thought given to something like this. We will be with God, and there will be no more pain, crying, or mourning for eternity. It makes the sufferings of this world seem insignificant in comparison huh? A few years, a few months, a few weeks of pain in comparison to an eternity with GOD.

None of us deserve this. We are all sinners, and all of us deserve death. Think about this for a moment: We are born into a world of sins, and all of us are sinners. We want to run as far away from righteousness, holiness, and the Lord as we can. We are dirty and disgusting in the site of a holy God. Yet, because of Jesus, we are given the way to God, we are given the truth, we are given life. "For God so loved us,SO LOVED US" ....."that he gave his only son, that whosoever believed in him shall not perishes but have eternal life" John 3:16. Jesus, as an obedient servant, "...who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men." (Philippians 2:6), came and lived a perfect and obedient life, never sinning, in order that the justice of God, that would righteously judge us to death for our sins, would be atoned for by his blood, which means would cover us, and our dirty, disgusting deeds.

All of this for us. What are we asked for in return? to accept this, confess this, and believe this, by believing, we choose to make Jesus our Lord and Savior. He saved us from our just punishment, and as our Lord we should give him everything, and put Him above everything else! If we lived in a society with a human king, he would be a "lord" to us, telling us what to do, more than likely whether we liked it or not, we would obey what he asked. Jesus is far greater, and far more deserving than any Earthly king, so how is it that any of us could go through life not bowing in reference and gratitude for all He has given up for us, and in return begging HIM to lead us. Hungering and Thirsty for Him to show us and guide us.

Teacher Tammy's Blog

I want to direct everyone's attention to the links section of this page. If any of you have been having difficulty in reaching Tammy's blog, please try again. I found that there was an error in the link so it hasn't been working properly for a while. Tammy is a friend of mine in the Philippines that is currently doing some AWESOME work as a missionary/teacher to some very special kids. Her blog will certainly bless you. BTW- Hey Tammy Im praying for the driving! Philippines drivers watch out!

Seriously, ya'll check it out and please keep her in your prayers.

-Josh

Where are we? Where are we Going?

Do you know the Bill of Rights? If your anything like me, probably not. Somewhere in the deep recesses of your brain, you may be able to come up with one or two of them, but as far as "knowing" what they say, what they mean, how they apply to our freedom, and the boundaries which they set for the government, you are completely ignorant.

To make matters worse, as I think about the things I do know about the Bill of Rights, I can't say that the ideas, or perceptions I have about them actually were developed from reading or studying them. Most of what I think I know is probably what I absorbed through conversations, casual reading, middle school teaching, even cartoons, over the last 25 years. I am sure that back in elementary school I was required to memorize them, as far as the order they were in, but that doesn't mean that I was taught the value and importance of why I should know them. Just think, in my ignorance, the government could be making decisions right now that are in contradiction to those words, and I would have no idea. Instead, I just assume that those in power are aware of these laws, and that they are always going to line up with what the law states. So, I don't need to waste much time or effort, to compare what is actually happening to what my freedoms are. On top of this, I'm sure that I am not the only one in this country that is in this place.

Ignorance is a breeding ground for subtle unquestioned change that leads to a direct contradiction in thinking that opposes fact.

Want to think of something even scarier? The same thing can happen with our perception, and acceptance of others opinions of the Word of God! If I don't know the truth, don't study it, don't absorb it, don't develop unwavering commitment to it, and instead, take a hazy, passive, and ignorant approach to it, I can very easily be led astray. And what is more is that I can be lead astray without even much realizing it. Here is my fear. WE WERE ALL TAUGHT ABOUT THE BILL OF RIGHTS SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY, whether we liked it or not, we were exposed to something. Today, what is the exposure to the only truth? Where does it come from?

If we don't desire it? If we don't run after it? If we don't believe it? Who makes us?

As a generation and a people are we at a place where we would rather learn our convictions, and truth through a person, television show, or a non-fiction book, than from the Word that was given to us as complete and only truth, the Bible? What is our view of the Bible, is it simply another "book", Is it simply "an option" to me as a Christian! No NO NO! The Bible is it! It is the truth, it is the Word, it is the Answer. Why don't we hold it up with nothing in compare, why don't we devote ourselves to it passionately, and without ceasing?

The answer to life is found in its words, the answer to my struggles, my failures, my future, is all in its pages.

Let's examine what we think the bible is, and what it is says, against WHAT IT IS, and WHAT IT SAYS! How can we do that? By reading, studying, and knowing it!

As much as many of us don't want to hear it, WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR KNOWING GOD'S WORD. JESUS is right there in front of you all the time, He wants you to know him, He wants you find HIM, He wants you to understand......YOU have to take the responsibility to open up the word and grow with Him!

If I have a best friend, and I don't spend any time with him, how on the Earth will I ever know what he is like. I can sit and listen to what everyone else says about him, and listen to the way He has touched them and been a part of their life, and from that I can develop ideas of who He is, but until I start spending my time with him, seeking him, how in the world am I truly going to understand!? What's more, is that if my buddy and I are not hanging out, and I don't know who he is, then someone could come along, and start saying things about him, that are not true. Then what? Im standing there listening to someone making statements that are completely wrong about him, and yet I don't know enough about him to contradict the lies! Instead, I sit there absorbing the lies, and may even find myself believing them!

We have got to know Jesus! If we don't start growing our relationship with him now, then when? The Word is truth, He is right there in front of us, right there, waiting for us to want him. Isn't it about time for us to learn about and stand firm on who Our Savior is, so that we don't have question, we don't have to doubt, we don't have to search the depths of our memory to recall the things others have said about him, but that we know him. We know him, and can stand firm in that, no matter what comes in front of us.

Comfort

I was listening to a Newsboy CD last night, this song says a lot:

"When the Tears Fall" Newsboys, Devotion CD

I've Had Questions
Without Answers
I've known Sorrow
I Have Known Pain
But there's one thing
That I'll cling to
You're Faithful
Jesus, You're true


When Hope is Lost
I'll Call You Savior
When Pain Surrounds
I'll Call you Healer
When Silence Falls
You'll be the Song within my heart


In the Lone hour
Of my Sorrow
Through the darkest
Night of my soul
You surround me
And Sustain Me
My Defender
Forever More


And I will Praise you
I will praise you
When the tears fall
Still I will sing to you
I will praise you
Jesus Praise you
Through the suffering
I will sing


It is certainly not easy to praise the Lord sometimes, especially in the tough circumstances, but we are still called to do it. The one thing that we should keep in mind is that our lives are not about us. They are about Him. While it's easy for us to get down and discouraged, and then want to stop praising the Lord, these are the times when we should praise Him most. If you have studied the ministry of Jesus, or the life of Paul, pain and suffering are a huge part of their lives. As followers of Christ, and God's children, why would our lives not follow the same path. Suffering is part of our walk, and through even the most difficult pain we are supposed to strive towards praising the name of Jesus. Walking in his ways is not always easy, but that should not change our perspective on how thankful we should be to Him. He has given us eternal life, and that gift was paid for by his suffering. In the darkest times in our lives we won't come near to experiencing the sufferings He went through for us, so all we can hope to do is carry our hurts and praise Him for them.

"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed." 1 Peter 4:12,13

I am sure Peter knew a thing our two about trials, He denied Jesus three times right before Jesus was beaten and killed for Him. I am sure that it took Peter a while to understand the trial that he had went through, but through that trial God was able to use him to write the above scripture to help us in our painful circumstances. We rejoice in our sufferings knowing that one day the Lord's glory will be revealed and that is worth the pain we face.

Quick Note

Does anyone else get tired of thinking? My brain doesn't know when to stop. This is one of the many reasons why I love following the Lord. You don't have to think so much. Of course, I always overthink things, even in the process of learning how to live by faith. I guess as we follow the Lord we begin to learn more about what the balance is between faith and thinking. Sometimes, I wish that there was a switch connected to the back of my neck that I could turn off all unneeded repetitive thoughts. When I faced a problem at work, or something like that, I would simply turn the switch on, just long enough to drive myself 80% of the way insane, but also with enough new thoughts to derive a somewhat logical conclusion to a problem. At the conclusion of the thought to solve the issue, I would simply flip the "repetitive useless thought" switch off, and go on about my day. I know this is random, but wanted to blog a little before I left for the weekend. Hope everyone is doing well, and leave me a comment about the new blog format if you get a chance, too much green? Yea, I kind of wanted to go for that "way over done 70's retro feel" that seems to be prevalent today, oh wait, that is only in regard to my couch at the house! Have a great weekend everyone.

Update on my Brother

I found out today that Jacob may be getting out of the hospital on Friday, and allowed to go home. It has been over a month since his accident, and he is just now going to leave the hospital. It has been a tough road for Jake this far, and I suspect that we will still have a ways to go before he has fully recovered from the accident, but overall I am so grateful to know that over time he should make a full recovery. Thank you for all your prayers, support, and concern for him, while he may not get a chance to meet you, I know that he is forever thankful for all of your support in this tough time. The Lord has done, and is still working miraculous things in his life, and lives of my family.

Please keep up the prayers for all of us, as there is still plenty of healing left to occur. It truly is a blessing to have so many who care and I can't express how thankful I am for all of you.

Works Based Mentality

This is a deeper post, so this is your pre-post warning.

As I was driving earlier today, a thought crossed my mind? Why is it so difficult to get 20-somethings into church? I mean, it has seem to become the anti-everything. Church means anti-fun, anti-happiness, anti-laziness, etc...What has this generation become? We sit and wait for things to be brought before us, in which we can stand back and judge negatively, without really being open to experiencing or investigating. We look at church, and claim it is not the answer, yet most of us don't even have the slightest clue what "church" actually is. We are so focused on Christ not being the answer, that in reality we have probably never even gotten far enough past our own egos to allow Him the opportunity to be. So, where does this disdain for religion, and anything remotely pointing thereto, come from?

My thoughts:

Growing up in church as a kid (and let me state right here that I understand my experience is not directly applicable to everyone, so take this with a grain of salt, and allow it to stand for what it is, my own story), some of what I remember, is the pressure I felt at times about "doing" evangelism. As I reflect back on my thought processes at the time, I remember that my idea of a Christian was defined by one word "evangelize". I am saved therefore, I must be espousing the salvation plan to everyone I see. If I am not doing this, I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing, so therefore something is wrong with me. You see, I was (as difficult as many of you may find this) a very shy kid growing up. The thought of going up to someone and directly confronting them on believing in Jesus was quite intimidating to me. As I grew older, this never seemed to be something that got easier to do, and yet I felt guilty at times for not doing it enough. Now, this is where Im going to tie this together.

I feel that many of us "20 somethings" went through similar circumstances, and therefore developed somewhat of a "giving up" attitude towards our Christian Walk. We set back and decided, I am never going to be this person who can instantly turn people in one conversation, into a follower of Christ, so therefore I shouldn't even waste my time trying. The problem begins here. Suddenly, this feeling of, I am not like that, I am different, and therefore I don't need to push forward with the Lord, begins to take hold. We simply became deceived, and then defeated in the idea of pointing towards Jesus. Then we started getting side tracked in all the many distractions that the world told us were more important than "church". Through this process, a resentment began to form. "I was told of all this peace and happiness I would experience when I trusted Jesus, but all I have found is that I am not good enough to be a Christian, because I can't evangelize!" Now, years after trusting the Lord, these gen x'ers are no further along in Christian development than when they first trusted the Lord.

So what is there to do. Once again, my opinion, but lets start with showing those very skeptical Christians the truth through our actions as believers, and allow them to see the freedom we have from the very concerns that they struggle with. Allow the Lord to work through us in our daily lives, in our decisions, and our everyday existence. After all, we are "salt and light", so lets continue in our saltiness, to preserve the character of the Lord, and be light through everything about us, not just the words that we speak. Let's focus on growing into a deeper, stronger relationship with Lord, and gaining an understanding that He is big enough to use not only the words I say, but also the love, and actions I show, to bring his children to himself. Let's share the gospel in truth about the way the Lord has given us freedom, through our testimonies. In short, lets get past the guilt we feel for not evangelizing, and begin working in the place the Lord has planted us, to show the gospel in ways that people may have never seen or heard! The bottom line is Christ, not only telling him, but showing him, not only vocally worshipping him, but worshipping him in every thought, and action in our lives, so that those around us can "see our good works, and give glory to our Father who is in Heaven". After all, "They will know we are Christians by our love". So, start, loving on those who need love, start helping those who need help, and always, above all else, be pointing to the Lord in every part of who you are, so that those whom you may never,ever notice are watching you, can see the Lord come through without a word ever being said.

Know this is a soapbox, so as always post comments and let me know your thoughts!

-Josh

Where does the time go?

Im sitting here at work, coffee in one hand, and Famous Amos cookies in the other (breakfast Okay). I have one question going through my mind? Where does the time go? I used to think back in grad school that I didn't have enough time to get everything done, but that was nothing compared to now. Every time I turn around there is some small errand that I need to run, or I have to stop and eat or sleep. I mean 24 is just not enough hours in the day sometimes. This is not a blog in which I am complaining (too much), just trying to figure out where those extra hours in which I could do laundry, clean the house, and study for my dreaded Series 65 Exam go. In all actuality, the problem is more prioritizing more than anything else, but hey, it makes me feel better to think that the day time hours are in a conspiracy to keep me from catching everything up! haha. Anyway, I know this is short and sweet, but just hoping that everyone out there thinking the same thing realizes they are not alone.

Heading Home for the Weekend

As soon as I leave work, Im heading to pick up my old friend,Dodge Neon, and together we are going to take another 4 hour journey down to Beaumont. Along the way there will be many laughs and memories to share,......... just me and my rental car!

Its going to be just like old times, three months ago, when I pulled up to Enterprise and met RC for the first time. He was a cool car, and the only issue I had with him, was his lack of 20th, yea that's right 20th century, technology (NO CD PLAYER!). As we headed out of Dallas I tell it was going to be a great trip, RC was cruising at an RPM rate, which Im sure he very rarely reached, and I was jamming to the tape deck! j/k even I don't have anymore cassettes! As I looked down, I noticed that the previous RC driver had really done me a huge favor, and returned RC with only about 1/16 of a tank of gas, so before I hit the Dallas City Limit Sign I had to stop and fill up. Now, here is where RC and I really begin to bond. As many of you know, gas stations below the south side of 635 are not among the most inviting places to stop in the DFW metroplex. So RC and I pull slowly into the closest GS, and pull up to the pump. As I step out of the car, I notice, at this particular "convenient store" that there are bars on the windows and doors, and the clerk is situated behind a partician of glass, with a little slot in which you could pay. No worries I thought all this security is probably just a way to help the customers feel more "secure" in purchasing their gasoline. After filling up RC, buying some candy, and paying the "box guy". I jumped in RC and took off towards Big B-town. After two hours, I was starting to get hungry, so I stopped at one place always stop on the trip to Beaumont, Whataburger!, not sure why, it has sort of become my own personal tradition. I head into Whataburger, and get a number 1, with cheese, and fries, with tons and tons of my favorite ketchup in the world. RC all the while is out in the parking lot taking a rest from a very tiring trip thus far. He certainly had all the hampster wheels turning as we were driving, and I could tell that the gasoline from "Jack's Grocery, Gas, and Guy in the Box" was probably not the best as far as combustion goes. After eating I jump back in the car, and proceed down the road. One note about this trip was that I was going to be cutting through Huntsville to Livingston, and then dropping down to Beaumont circa the back woods highways. What does the mean? RC was probably not going to have a very fun time.....As I slid off the interstate and turned onto the Texas state highway system, I begin to really push ole RC. Short stopping, and sharp turns was only the beginning. But, this was not the worst part...the worst part for RC was....the bugs! Man oh man were there a ton of insects flying around in the deep east Texas woods that night. It felt as though I was in a locusts plague! Poor RC by the time we reached Beaumont he was no longer that shiny white face I had grown to love, but was now a little duller in the paint, and a little less polished than he had been a few hours previously. Needless to say, I never did wash RC, and the four trip home was very similar to trip down to Beaumont. So, all this to say, Im looking forward to catching up with Dodge neon this afternoon, it should be an emotional reunion.

Once Again!

This morning, the alarm goes off and the usual "music legends" radio station comes booming forth right in my ear. (The alarm clock only gets one radio station). I have been woken out of peaceful slumber from everyone from Elvis to Dolly Parton to Frank Sinatra, its actually quite amusing at times. Anyway, the alarm clock sounds, and everything in my body says "if you get out of bed right now, I promise you I will make you regret it", so what could I do? I hit the snooze and rolled over and fell back asleep (This occurred a total of like 5 times). Finally, when the alarm goes off for the sixth time, and for some reason there was some sort of big band music playing, which I still have not figured out, I force myself to roll out of the bed. At this point my normal morning routine is going to have to be altered for the lack of extra time.

I literally run around getting ready, shaving etc...in a hectic whirlwind. All the while I notice my mind is dwelling on some very negative thoughts that had rolled over from a day or two before. As I was trying to concentrate on getting my shoes on and finding a matching pair of socks (which at times I forego in order to save a few minutes of searching), I am really focusing on analyzing what is going through my mind......

After some thought, and missing a couple of belt loops with my belt, I realize that I am really sitting and making a ton, and I mean a ton of assumptions about things going on, and from that was falling into a very large trap. If continuing on the path which I had started from the moment I woke up, it would not be long before all that thought and assumption would draw me into anxiety, pride, and an attitude of wanting to control the things affecting the issue.

So, as I rushed out the door, 10 minutes behind schedule, I stopped and prayed a little prayer, that the Lord would just take all that thought process away from me, and not let me focus on any aspect of it. Then I wrestled with the door key, ran to the truck and was on the road to work.

In my CD player was the CD I was listening to yesterday, "Kutless" Strong Tower. You see yesterday as I was driving around I was listening through the CD, which I had many, many times before, and there was a song that was really sticking with me, that I hadn't really "LISTENED TO" previously. Sure, I had heard it as I sang along, obliterating most of the chorus, but I hadn't really listened....

So this morning, I flip it to the track, and this is what I hear:

"I lift my eyes up
Unto the Mountains
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from you
Maker of Heaven
Creator of the Earth

Oh how I need you Lord
You are my only hope
You're my only prayer
So I will wait for you
To come and rescue me
Come and give me life

The title of the song is "I lift my eyes up". I went through the AH-HAH! moment. I am not giving this situation to the Lord. I am trying to take control, and save myself, and those around me. Where is my trust? Im trying to put trust in myself!! This is why Im struggling with all these worthless, useless assumptions. If I truly sit and realize, the Lord is my only hope, He is my only prayer, and He will rescue me from the situation, I find so much more peace, than when I try to save myself. He actually can see all the variables at work, and prevent, and predict them...I on the otherhand, am only making up long winded explanations that could be completely false and irrelevant. So, as I drove (letting the song repeat over, and over and over) a scripture I read yesterday came to my mind.

Jesus and the parable of the unworthy servants
"Will any one of you who has a servant plowing or keeping sheep say to him when he has come in from the field. Come at once and recline at table? Will he not rather say to him Prepare supper form me and dress properly, and serve me while I eat and drink, and afterward you will eat and drink? Does he thank the servant because he did what he was commanded? So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, 'We are unworthy servants, we have only done what is our duty.'" Luke 17:7-10

My pride is such a sneaky thing. Getting to a point where I think I can understand and resolve other people's issues is a very scary thing. This is point I realized I was getting to. Who am I to think I deserve anything more than what the Lord has given me, and who am I to sit and expect that I would be able to resolve a situation simply because it makes me feel uncomfortable. If I truly am an unworthy servant, than I must try to keep two things is mind:

1. As the song states, rely on the Lord to take care of the issues around me, and trust Him, even when I don't see, and continue to understand that he the Savior of my soul, but also the savior of my life, heart, mind, emotions, friends, and circumstances. He is faithful and there is no need to fear or doubt that he will not provide exactly what I need, when I need it.

2. As the verses state, watching closely, that I don't get to a prideful place, where I believe, that I shouldn't be in the hard spots, or difficult circumstances in life, but as an unworthy servant, I serve the Lord through the good, the bad, the tough days, and the blessed days, and am content in serving, and serving alone, without expectation of return. After all, something that is so easy to forget in the times of trials is that we deserve far worse, and only by the grace of the Lord we are allowed an opportunity to serve Him, which is the only thing that really matters.

So, as the title states, I have once again been humbled by how awesome the Lord is!

Technical difficulties!

Alright, I was trying to change up the blog a bit, and lost all my links...I will try to have them back, and maybe even add some new ones, ASAP. Until then, I leave you with this:

" A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." John 13:34-35, Jesus

Ah! High School, What a fun time!

Last night, as a group of us got together for a prayer meeting and dinner, we chose to go out for some pizza. So, we walked in the door of a pretty crowded pizza place and sat down at at a small table close to the corner. As I looked over, I noticed a group of high school aged kids sitting around the table beside us, and kind or reminisced about those days that were a few years back for me. I think there were about 4 guys and a couple of girls, and who even knows what kind of conversation was going on. You had the usual occurrences: the cool guy (who didn't say to much), the leader (wearing a shirt that grabbed as much attention as possible), the tag along (the kid just happy to have made the invite), and the jock. On the girl side you had the outgoing popular girl, and her quiet friend. Now why make such a fuss about all this? Well, really its more just to think back on those fun high school days, and at the interesting decisions that we all made that, at the time seemed like a great idea..

What am I talking about? Well at this particular pizza place they have what is known as the Super Giant Pizza, this thing is 20" across....It is BIG!. So upon sitting down and casually glancing over at the high school table, I noticed the waitress brought, not one, but two of these gigantic pies. At this point just about everyone at my table looks up and notices the goings on directly beside us, and quietly we began drawing conclusions among ourselves about the amount of this greasy-carb filled circle was going to be devoured by this "21 century breakfast club". I stated, "there is no way they are going to be able to finish all those off". While a very close friend of mine was quite sure that they would. Well, after a little discussion, we went about our meal, and had an occasional break to glance over and size up the pizza meter. At times it looked good for me, and at times I wasn't so sure that they wouldn't finish. When all was said and done, we look over, and from what we could gather there were only about two pieces of pizza left of the entire set. Now, you would think that meant I was correct, but I do believe I lost on a technicality. You see, the girl, and her friend, probably being the wisest of everyone in the restaurant, decided to forego the large cheesy grease filled monster, and not eat. So, in reality if they had chosen to eat the pizza would have been gone. I was in amazement at the shear will power of the boys. I know that while eating all that pizza seemed like a great idea at the time, that more than likely they were going to face some major heart-burn later in the night! But, alas, they certainly had gained my respect. A side note, they were moving a tad slower by the end of the meal than they had at the beginning....

While thinking about all this, I started remembering some of the many, many questionable decisions I had made in high school. I am sure that at one point in time or another, there was probably some way to observant weird guy, watching something I did, and shaking his head in disbelief at what an interesting decision I had chose to make, and this made me kind of smile to myself. It also made me think about how much we are all so similar, and experience so many of the same things in our lives. But, we never truly take the time to recognize that we can learn something about ourselves by simply watching those who are going through those things we went through. Too many times we are interested in trying to help guide them, based on our previous experiences. I looked at it this way, if when I was 18, and with a group of my friends in high school, some 20-something, guy began questionning a decision I had made, I doubt it would have changed anything, I probably would have thought he had too many issues, and went on making my interesting decisions......

Scary thought, if I ever have a son, I wonder what interesting decisions he is going to make, or even more scary a daughter!!!???

BTW-I really love spell check, if it were not for this amazing instrument, you would most certainly question how I made it out of high school!

Im Tired

Just a quick note, sorry I havn't written in a while. Life is moving really fast right now. I am emotionally, spiritually, and physically drained. I think it is time for me to rest. Hopefully I will. Thank you all for your prayers, concerns, and encouragement. I recieved more news tonight, and it looks as though Jacob is going to be another 3-4 weeks in the hospital. Please, please keep the prayers coming for him. The Lord is working through all this, I can see it so many ways. Your support means so much to my family. I truly wish I had some encoouragement for everyone out there, but right now it would only be an attempt. I will say this, I love you all. I thank each of you for your love for me. Stay strong brothers and sisters, one day we will all be together in glory, and oh how marvelous a day that will be. For now lets keep on planting those seeds of good fruit each day, each hour, each minute. Who knows who will see your light today? Shine on!

What a week

It is 12:24 am on Saturday, and I am sitting in a hotel room in the middle of East Texas, up and blogging when I should be sleeping. As many of you know, and to those that don't my little (6'5" 225lb) brother got in a serious car accident last Saturday. Since then, there have been many emotional highs and lows. Currently it looks as though things are very positive, but at the same time he will be in ICU until at least the end of the weekend. This week has been a blur of activity and emotion, as we wait for Jake to get stable enough to move to a room. Right now I am a tad tired, and spiritually at a lower point than usual. I am in a tired state, and from that those everyday trials seem to be gaining strength and size day by day. I feel incredibly blessed at the amazing miracles the Lord has already blessed my family with through the situation, and am still in great anticipation of all that could come out of such a tragic event. There has been an outpouring of love all around my brother for a stream of almost seven straight days, and it does my heart so much good to see Christ touching my family through those who love Him.

I have never been through anything as serious as this before, and from it I have tried to observe as much as I could, and learn as much as I could. One thing that has struck me is the intense pain and agony I felt last Sunday at the thought of the intense pain (physically, emotinally, and spiritually) that my brother had endured through the night. Without going into details, I will say that it was probably a life changing experience. As I sat and heard him describe the accident, the lonely hours afterwards, and the moments leading to the surgery, I just sat heart broken at the trial he had to face that night. As I sat reflecting over his experience the Lord really helped me find peace about it all, and since then I have been rather optimistic of all the many things the Lord could do through all of this.

On the other side of the equation I have had a very interesting week spiritually. I feel that my fatigue and emotional state are certainly amplifying many usually minor trials that I face on a pretty regular basis. Right now, patience and anger are two that I am battling much more than usual. Its not that I feel angry or impatient with the Lord, it is just that everyday situations are becoming somewhat more of an issue than usual: one example would be traffic on the drive down this afternoon. I guess not sleeping enough, not eating well, and not getting enough quiet time are all part of the equation, but I also feel like this is a way for me to truly work on some areas that are otherwise ignored when there is less stress involved. Patience is not something which I claim to have a whole whole lot of, although since really starting to walk with the Lord I have made vast improvements, and at this point I find that I am really in a place to focus on the times when I am being impatient and learn to wait and navigate through the circumstance before just reacting.

I am ready to see my brother tomorrow, ( I havnt seen him since Tuesday), and really hope that he is less medicated this weekend in order to be able to encourage him. He is making great progress in his healing, and I have decided that his new nickname will be Superman. (I even tried to convince him to get a S tatooed on his chest). One thing about it, I love the big lug. He is one of a kind, and he has a great heart. If he ever reads this part he will probably punch me or something like that, but hey, its worth it. I hope everyone has a great weekend, and please keep ole jake in your prayers......

To the ladies out there

As I sat in Subway today, I noticed a pair of girls sitting in the booth next to me. One thing struck me about them, they were seeking belonging and acceptance,....pure and simple. Both looked to be in their late teens, early twenties, and by the way they were dressed, I could see that their idea of how they would acquire this acceptance was one that the world was telling them was correct. Now my heart really hurts for them, as for all women, that are growing in an age where looks, beauty, clothing, and all out appearance is the indicator for self-worth, self-esteem, and belonging. I hate it! Oh and guys, guess what?, most of this problem has occurred, not because of the female aspect of society, but because of, you guessed it...us! Now before you quit reading with the idea that this is some sort of judgmental soapbox rant on my part, give me a few more lines to explain what I am feeling.

Ladies, let me try to clarify something here. Your worth has never been, and will never be based on the way you look, dress, or appear to people in this world (whether in attracting men, or gaining the praise of women). This is what I hope is understood through this blog. YOU ARE SPECIAL, JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. You were created perfectly by our Father above, and there is none like you on this Earth. There is no need to try to amplify your beauty through clothes, make-up, or anything else. Your beauty will radiate from within you, if you simply allow it to.

1 Peter States: "Do not let your adorning be external-the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing-but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 1 Peter 3:3-4

and

Proverbs 31:30 says, " Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised"

You see, beauty is inside you from your faith in the Lord, and you know what? He created you in a way in which only you can show your faith to Him in that way. Each Christian belongs to the Body of Christ, and each piece of the body is beautifully and wonderfully made. Each piece serves a beautiful and unique purpose that only that one piece can fill. You are accepted, and belong to His Body, and the beauty that shows from you is the beauty that is seen when you are worshipping him as that part of the body for which you were created. Loving Him and following Him lets this inward beauty poor out to others all around. They see the beauty of your light shining before men, and give glory to your Lord. How awesome and beautiful is that!

I don't begin to sit in a place where I feel like I can understand the emotion and pressure you feel each day, but I do say this: You are loved by the Lord and by all your brothers and sisters for just that, being a brother and sister. There is no need to feel like you must do anything other than love Him and the others around you, for everyone to see how awesomely beautiful, unique, and wonderful you are.

1 Corinthians 12:14-26

You are Special!

Running on little sleep is interesting

This week has been one in which I have not hit the pillow before 1:00 am every morning. For some reason circumstances are just dictating that sleep is not a priority this week. This is not necessarily a bad thing, other than I feel that keeping a clear head is at times a tad more difficult.

Test and trials can come in all shapes and sizes, fatigue is certainly one which can test me, along with hunger, and loneliness. Its funny how after a few days of limited sleep, that small problems can suddenly seem much bigger than they actually are. When I take a moment and step back to look at the situation, I usually find that my first instinct to overreact was driven by a stimulus such as being tired (although that sounds somewhat ironic). Focus seems to fade in and out a little quicker, and my mind wants to start wondering around those anxiety driven thoughts and feelings. As always I grit my teeth, and fight my flesh. In reality it really is an actual fight sometimes, Paul says in 1 Corinthians that, "I discipline my body and keep it under control" 10:17 . As my walk goes on, I think about the battle in this way:

It's me battling myself. My natural flesh wants to do evil right? My soul is wanting with all I have to serve God righteously. Thus, internally at any one time one of these two Josh's is trying to win control of what comes from my thoughts and actions. Sometimes the righteousness is winning, and sometimes the flesh is winning. But the amazing thing is that through the Word, Prayer, and Community with other believers, there is training going on for the righteous side of me. Whereas, when I choose to sin, and make decisions based on the World or my flesh, I am in effect training my flesh. The battle will always be going on while I am on this Earth, but I have a choice as to which side I want to train, strengthen and build up. Making the wrong choice in this area can bring a lot of pain, and darkness. Making the right choice can bring a lot of joy, peace, and contentment.

The bottom line is that when I am tired, although one side has hopefully been built up more than the other, I must rely all the more on the Lord to help me battle. Just like an army troop that have been fighting day in and day out, the weariness can begin to take a toll on the battle. So I try to cling all the tighter to Him in the moments where I know I am weakening, and tiring.

One thing is for sure, one of the biggest blessings in my life was getting to a point where I even realized that there was a battle raging inside me each day. From there the ability to fight and push forward begins to take on a whole new meaning....

Don't Really Know What to Say.

I realized that I haven't blogged in almost a week, so thought I would try to get something down. I don't really have anything to say right now so this may not be the best post in the world. Its been a very emotional week, and that may be why at this moment Im really without words.

One thing I can say is that the Lord continues to show me his faithfulness. I sit and realize that every new trial is another chance for me to grow in some way that is not expected or necessarily understood. Earlier today I thought about the apostles, and how they were so glad to suffer for the sake of Christ, to be deemed worthy to endure such persecution and pain to glorify the Lord. As I thought of this I realized that they were happy and joyful because they understood that the Lord allowed the persecution to happen to them, because He knew that they were strong enough in Him to handle it. How awesome of a thought, that the Lord knew them so well, and gave them the opportunity to suffer in ways that others never will for Him, because He knew they would endure and glorify Him. So they counted it a blessing to experience pain in the fact that they knew the Lord knew they would be able to handle the pain and suffering and still contribute all praise to Him. I know this is a tad repetitive, my mind is not functioning on all 4 cylinders right now.

Continue to be strong fellow brothers and sisters, as Romans states
"For I consider the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." 8: 18

Lets continue to sing His praises when it hurts, Lets continue to bow our heads in thankfulness when we are without, Lets keep stepping towards His light in the darkness, and Lets always hold fast to the one constant above all....Christ.

We are in a race, lets run with all we have towards the prize, so that when we look back on this "minor suffering" of a worldly state, we can stand up and praise the Lord for all He accomplished through us as broken vessels that are unworthy to hold the Love that overflows from us.....

"...forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on towards the goal for the PRIZE, of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 13-14

My Generation

As I write this, I am sitting at my Nene and Pappaw's computer in Beaumont Texas on Friday Afternoon. I had a long drive home last night, and from it came plenty of time to think and reflect.

On my mind is the subject of gen. xer's and gen. yer's (My Generation) and our complete complacency at times to anything outside ourselves. My heart has been burdened as of late for the 20 something crowd and the intense hurt, and pain I see all around me. We are a generation that came long after man set foot on the moon, but had been around a few years before the startling world changing movement of the internet. We have seen communism fall, (although many of us were pre-teens when the wall came down), and have been through two different wars in the Middle East. We have more opportunity to explore, innovate, and communicate than any generation before us, and have more luxuries, and amenities than some kings of the world's past. The world is our oyster, and we have the tools to find the pearl. Yet, with all this opportunity, and with all this freedom, at the core of us we are hurting, angry, bitter, and confused. The many promises of happiness we have been told we would find have been shattered along the paths of growing up. Most of us have never experienced nuclear families, have never known a world where it was expected to actually know, and be friends with your neighbors, or have known life without the ever present medium of television. Here we are, all grown up, a quarter of the way through our lives, and yet are just as misguided, and child like as we were a decade before.

My thoughts form around a statistic that I heard last week, in our generation we can boast that less than 20% of us our Bible based Christians. Surely this has something to do with the struggles that seem to be a common thread among us in this nation.

Inside my heart I think of the response that is sometimes given when the idea of Christ is presented.....
" Ive got it all figured out, Ive been to church, and I did the salvation thing with I was a kid. I don't need to open that Bible anymore, I don't need to bow my head and pray anymore. I have been there, done that, and my life is not what was promised to me when I made that decision! I did not find peace and happiness then, and I still don't have it now"

"Im grown, I make my own decisions, I choose my own path, and I am making it, Im on my way to happiness, Im on my way to peace, and there is nothing, nothing that is going to stop me. I can only rely on me, and I am the only one who wont let me down."

"My parents divorced when I was a kid, my first love left me heart broken, My friends want to help, but are too caught up in there own vices. I have struggled with OCD, Anxiety, Depression, and Anorexia, and still have to battle them daily. I don't have true peace, and I have come to the realization that I will never have it. I can only make another step each day to reach the idolized dream of American success, with a hope in myself that one day when I have struggled enough, all the pieces of the puzzle will come together and I will at last be happy!"

"So, as for serving Christ, that is fine if that is what you want to do, I hope it goes well for you, but don't ask me to serve him, because I already know that it is not the answer for me, and I already know that I am really on the right path, after all Im a good person, I don't steal, I don't lie (much), hey I even gave some money to a homeless guy the other day. I know what I need to make it, and as long as Im "normal" why would I begin seeking after someone who Im not even able to physically see? I prayed the prayer, I did that thing, Im good, and now Im living my life the best that I know how, and things are not easy. If God really cared about me,then I would have everything I ever wanted, and wouldn't hurt so much on the inside. I don't believe he can take it away, I don't believe anyone can. I just have to deal with it as best I can and one day its all going to go away"

Sound Familiar!

Yea, I think in some way or another we can all relate to this way of thinking. To those of you out there who have been walking close to the Lord, this may seem like a distant memory from the past, but I think underneath it all some of this tormented thinking may sound familiar.

So what then? What do we do with "My Generation"? Well, I pray that for one, we begin to pray for it. Two, I know that the Lord is literally hurting to death over our pain, and is wanting so much for us to choose Him. He knows our suffering better than we do, He has experienced everything and more. What do we do then? Those of us in that place where we can say we have peace, and overcome the world, what do we do? Do we sit back and absorb this peace, and do nothing? Sometimes I think that we get so involved and engrossed in the peace that we now experience that in reality, we do nothing more times than not. I myself am severely guilty of this.

I thought on the drive home last night, about the agony my life was in before I met Christ and began walking close to him. I began to try to go back and feel the utter chaos that was once so familiar. I remembered the many days of internal confusion in which I was sure there was no hope for freedom, there was no hope for peace, and I began to see that this is the place where so many of us are today.

We have been deceived into thinking "IT IS ALL ABOUT ME" to the extent that the idea of God is actually secondary. We have a difficult time giving it all to Him because we don't really believe He is bigger or more important than us.

Why is it that we can go through our lives living in such deception? Because.......in the world around us, we have so many things to take His place. In the moments of the most intense hurt, we can drown Him out with TV, alcohol, the opposite sex, internet, video games, text messaging, traveling, ANYTHING! Instead of turning to Him, we turn on the music, we turn on the movies, we open the next pop up window. For a very short moment our thoughts drift from the immediate hurt that we don't want to face, and for a very short moment we are deceived into thinking we have acquired the long awaited freedom that we have searched so hard for. Alas, this is but for a moment, and then, chaos begins once again.

So what is the bottom line? What does this whole blog mean? What am I trying to say? and Most importantly what is the solution?

One word

Christ.

For 23 years I thought I knew Him.......For 23 years I thought I had him "all figured out", but what I have felt, seen, and been given over the past two years is an actual relationship with Him. I have found that I love Him more than any person on this Earth, I love Him more than anything,.........BUT THIS IS THE CRUX.... I LOVE HIM MORE THAN I LOVE MYSELF!(Sometihing I had no idea I was guilty of for such a long time) For 23 years I didn't really know Jesus, but fooled myself into thinking that I did. Only when I got to the point where the hurt, the pain ,and agony where more than I believed I could handle, did I finally, finally give it to HIM. Let it go, gave my life away, and let Him be the most important Thing, even above myself. I realized I couldn't control everything, and for that matter, anything. I was not in control, and I was not ever in control.

On top of that, I found that He loved me in a way that I had never known existed. There was absolute, and complete acceptance, and mercy and GRACE, OH THE GRACE!!!! He loved me for me, he loved everything about me, he loved me without any expectation for me to love Him back. What a love. So secure, so accepting, so unconditional.Something I had wanted for so long. When I let Him have my life, I couldn't help but try to give him as much as I could back. Suddenly, I just wanted to thank Him for giving me peace, to thank Him for giving me life more abundantly. FOR KNOWING THAT HE UNDERSTOOD ME! OH HOW I LONGED TO BE UNDERSTOOD! I began to realize that my life is for Him, for His glory,...... and all these issues that I was hurting and struggling with started to take on a new perspective,......I finally realized that there isn't anything wrong with me, I was created this way by Him, for a special purpose which only I can fulfill FOR HIM! ALL I have to do is be willing to let go of ME!!!

I know this is a bit long, and probably even somewhat confusing, but it is really on my heart right now. Our lives were not created for us! If we can just understand that, absorb that into everything we do, then we find the peace, and joy that we long for. Why is this? Because we are doing the one thing we were created for,..... to glorify the LORD! NOT OURSELVES!!!! Its all about Him, from the minutest detail to the most complicated problem, Him, Him, Him! When I found that perspective, my life changed forever!

Random Pictures

I have had a few friends e-mail some random pics over the past couple of days, so figure Id post a few:

First,
Last weekend, at Dallas One, and Jars of Clay Concert:








David, Me, Stacy, and Bradford After a long day of work....Funny, I don't see to be too tired.....hummmmm....I did work, I promise!
Okay, This takes longer than I thought, I guess that is all for now, this takes a ton of space to upload pictures....Hope everyone has a great weekend, and stay tuned for pictures from Celebrate Freedom!

Why is it......

That when we ask the Lord for something, and get it, there are times when we turn right back around and whine about it to Him.

This has hit me on two levels over the last few days, and the Lord has really used them in tandem to get me to see how ungrateful I can be to Him.

First, in reading Exodus 14 the other morning, I read about Israel escaping out of Egypt on the way to the promised land. After years of prayer, and asking the Lord to free them from slavery to the Egyptians, they are finally on their way out.

At this time, the Egyptians had decided that they wanted the Israelites back, and were in pursuit of them heading towards the Red Sea. The place the Lord has hit me in the heart is here, it is the point at which Israel, aware of the impending Egyptians, cry out to the Lord, look up to Moses, and say, " Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness?, What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt?, Is this not what we said to you in Egypt, 'Leave us alone so that we may serve the Egyptians'? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness." Exodus 14:11-12

What? Is that?

They had just been crying out to the Lord to free them from the Egyptians for years and years and years....Now, all of a sudden they are given an answered prayer (ie they are free from Egypt, and what now, they tell the lord and Moses, hey, we liked it under the Egyptians, why is it that you have brought us out here where it is uncomfortable to die?) (okay this a paraphrase) But, the point is this, They cry to Lord, please do this for me, the Lord does it, although maybe not in the way they had planned in their minds, at the same time, the Lord is using them to bring glory to himself through the Egyptians, and now in the middle of it all, Israel wants to go back to that place they previously despised, and cried to the Lord about it. Now, not to be hard on the Israelites, because as I thought about this this morning, I found out I am at this very moment doing the VERY SAME THING!

Last night, I prayed that the Lord would show me some things; in my prayers, I had an expectation of how these revelations of my heart would make me "feel". Well, sure enough, this morning I wake up, and I am facing the things I prayed about, literally like a mirror, I am seeing inside my heart. And bottom line, is that it hurts....its hurts alot! So, what do I do!? I turn right around and pray for God to take it away, and put me back in a place of previous comfort, of not looking at it! or as I have been asking him for "a place of peace". WHAT!? I just read about this two days, ago, and here I am , doing the same thing. I knew when I prayed that it was not going to be easy, I knew when I prayed that it would hurt, but not even one hour into the mourning, and pain, am I calling on him to relieve me of it, how ungrateful is that? Instead of praising Him for answering the prayer I wanted Him to answer, I immediately ask Him to send me back to the place I was before, where I was comfortable, and content! So, as I pouted around all morning, the Lord kept brining Israel back to my mind, and reminding me that He hears these kinds of things all the time from me. Some of it, is a lack of remembering, exactly what it is was I prayed for, and therefore, forgetting that the Lord may be working on one of the very requests I had asked him, and part of it is that I am not being thankful for the amazing learning, and growth that will come through the prayer that he answered. So, I guess this blog was more a way for me to get all this out, than anything else, and hopefully help me bring it to my heart. Thanks you all for listening.

I am addicted to candy

I have now eaten today:
1 package of M&M's
4 small York Peppermint Patties
1 small Butterfinger

I ask myself why? The conclusion: because we have a candy box sitting in the kitchen, and whenever I go get some water, I have to grab some candy.

There has been some good come from all this though, I am reminded every time I eat a piece of candy that I need to go get my cavity filled at the dentist.

Hopefully the pain will get so bad that I will actually pick up the phone and schedule the appointment, but for now I am going to enjoy another butterfinger.

FYI-Don't ever eat honey if you have a cavity.

Just a Note or Two

First thing is first, I am changing my e-mail address! For all of those who currently e-mail me (that would be the one or two of you out there) please change my address from the current joshualeesmith@sbcglobal.net to the new and improved (also FREE)

smith.joshualee@yahoo.com

I have e-mailed my address book with this change, but if for some reason I missed you, please take note, AFTER JULY SBC will no longer be active! (This is due, to me being tired of paying the bill on DSL!)

Okay on to the blog today!


So, now that my six month grace period for school loans is up, I am facing my first payment in July. As I stare at the due date, I realize that it is certainly time to start trying to budget a little better.

My first attempt at this new "budgeting experience" is to cut down on my infamous eating out. For some reason this has turned into quite the expensive habit! So upon generating ideas from friends, I have come to the conclusion that I should go buy some groceries! Well, I finally turned my truck into the Wal-Mart parking lot on Sunday, with the expectation of saving some major cash. As I walked down the isles I determined that I needed to buy easy, quick and cheap items in order to save time and money! So my first thoughts turned to Eggs, and Tuna Fish! (Not together of course, eggs for breakfast, Tuna for lunch). I walk up to the tuna isle and proceed to stack 16 cans of that wonderful processed fish product into my basket. Feeling quite content that I had enough protein to feed a small army, and only having spent about $10.00 I headed to buy bread....Two loaves of the generic wheat for under a buck a piece will do. Then onto the eggs, by this point I was sure that I had this shopping thing all figured out, and was not going to get roped into spending more than was absolutely necessary. Oh wait, Pringles sound good, two cans only a buck a piece woo-hoo! I sure would like some Orange Juice to go with my eggs, and what about fruit, yea fruit is always good. So, I head all the way back to the front of the grocery isle, and look through the apples before deciding on two golden apples and two granny smith apples, and 5 bananas! "Do I have any Mayonnaise in the fridge?" Don't know, Tuna sure will be dry without mayonnaise, alright, Ill buy the small jar.......Wait what about dinner?!! Oh yea, I can just eat Tuna!! That's Genius! I can see the dollars I am saving adding up by the moment. Ah man, I forgot that I need tooth paste, Is tooth paste really this expensive.....Hey what's this, some new mouth wash, hey it fights cavity, and fortifies teeth! and its a cool blue peppermint ah what the heck! Ill try it out. I sure am glad I don't have to buy razors today, those things are like expensive!

On to check out...I think Im going to make it out of this place pretty cheap today, but no more point of sale purchases! I already bit the dust on the orange juice, fruit, mayonnaise, and mouthwash! So here I go, if I can just make it through the check out line I will be golden, and....now I am loading the tuna, "man, did I really need all this tuna?", and the bread, fruit, mayonnaise, oran..ge....juice, "hey, I should buy some gum! I DID IT AGAIN!" So then I pay and leave! (Yes, I did buy the gum)