Running on little sleep is interesting

This week has been one in which I have not hit the pillow before 1:00 am every morning. For some reason circumstances are just dictating that sleep is not a priority this week. This is not necessarily a bad thing, other than I feel that keeping a clear head is at times a tad more difficult.

Test and trials can come in all shapes and sizes, fatigue is certainly one which can test me, along with hunger, and loneliness. Its funny how after a few days of limited sleep, that small problems can suddenly seem much bigger than they actually are. When I take a moment and step back to look at the situation, I usually find that my first instinct to overreact was driven by a stimulus such as being tired (although that sounds somewhat ironic). Focus seems to fade in and out a little quicker, and my mind wants to start wondering around those anxiety driven thoughts and feelings. As always I grit my teeth, and fight my flesh. In reality it really is an actual fight sometimes, Paul says in 1 Corinthians that, "I discipline my body and keep it under control" 10:17 . As my walk goes on, I think about the battle in this way:

It's me battling myself. My natural flesh wants to do evil right? My soul is wanting with all I have to serve God righteously. Thus, internally at any one time one of these two Josh's is trying to win control of what comes from my thoughts and actions. Sometimes the righteousness is winning, and sometimes the flesh is winning. But the amazing thing is that through the Word, Prayer, and Community with other believers, there is training going on for the righteous side of me. Whereas, when I choose to sin, and make decisions based on the World or my flesh, I am in effect training my flesh. The battle will always be going on while I am on this Earth, but I have a choice as to which side I want to train, strengthen and build up. Making the wrong choice in this area can bring a lot of pain, and darkness. Making the right choice can bring a lot of joy, peace, and contentment.

The bottom line is that when I am tired, although one side has hopefully been built up more than the other, I must rely all the more on the Lord to help me battle. Just like an army troop that have been fighting day in and day out, the weariness can begin to take a toll on the battle. So I try to cling all the tighter to Him in the moments where I know I am weakening, and tiring.

One thing is for sure, one of the biggest blessings in my life was getting to a point where I even realized that there was a battle raging inside me each day. From there the ability to fight and push forward begins to take on a whole new meaning....