Am I really an Adult?

Today I was just looking around my cube, and I think it is safe to say that it is official, "I am a grown man!" I am out of school, I have a full-time job, and I wash all my own dishes, clothes, and rooms in my apartment. As I sat and absorbed this for a minute, I realized this is the point of life that I have wanted to be at from the time I was about ten years old. My dream was to be out there on my own, independent, earning my own living, and making my own decisions. Well, that time has arrived, and boy did it sneak up on me quickly. I guess the old saying that time only goes by faster as you get older still holds true. So, I sat and asked myself today, How do you feel about being an adult? Is it everything you had hoped it would be? After hesitating for only a split second I decided "YES! YES IT IS!" All the long days in school, all the years of waiting to graduate, all the many decisions along the way, yes I would say that I am certainly very happy that I am a grown up, and I wouldn't trade it. So for everyone under the age of 22 reading this right now, yes, it is just as great as you would imagine it is. One thing is for certain, when James speaks that our lives are "but a vapor" it certainly makes sense. Suddenly, I find myself in my mid 20's, but still feel as though my life is some how only beginning.

Now the great thing about getting older is not just the responsiblity increasing, but each that passes is one day closer to Heaven! To many reading this I may sound as though Im on some type of drug or something, but in reality it is that I just have such happiness when I think that the small amount of time we are given on this Earth is so so short in comparison to eternity. The small glimpses we get of Heaven while living in the fallen World will pale in comparison to the life above with the Lord. It is so intriguing to sit and ponder eternity sometimes, what exact will it look like, who will I know there? Will we all sing and praise and worship all the time? I know that we still have a job to do down here, and that our focus should be on the moment in front of us, but man, how great, no more pain suffering, and sorrow.........sure sounds great to me. As I was listening to my bible on tape in the car today, I was listening to the last few chapters in Acts, and heard this: Paul was standing trial in Caesarea, and the Jews wanted to kill him, in one of his defense remarks he states, "If then I am a wrongdoer and have committed anything for which I deserve to die, I do not seek to escape death." Acts 25: 11 It just kinda hit me, Paul knew what awaited him after death, and he was so sure of this, that he would willingly be put to death if he was justly found to be guilty. I was asking myself, WHAT A DEFENSE! Not only does it exude the fact that he was confident he had done nothing wrong, but more importantly it exudes his confidence in his faith! A defense and a testimony! So anyway, Paul was most certainly the man. I know all this seems to be rambling, but hopefully the underlying point is made that Heaven is going to be AWESOME!

I Have Issues

This past weekend I focused on relaxing a bit. Saturday was a great day because my Sunday School class headed out to celebrate the class birthdays for May. After eating dinner, we all headed over to Dave and Buster's to play some games. The above picture is me playing "Gone Fishing" which involves a polar bear hitting some type of large fish with a club! It was a great time. What I wanted to mention about Saturday was that I decided to wear a shirt that I had been saving for a situation such as this. It was one I purchased in Beaumont a few weeks back, and when I saw it, I immediately knew it would be a great people watching and analyzing tool. You see the shirt, which you can't really see in the picture, is a white t-shirt that has three words in dark black on the front chest. The shirt simply says " I Have Issues". Not only do I feel this is an incredibly honest statement when I am wearing it, but I also feel that everyone on this planet can relate to this in one way or another. Which of course, is why I saved wearing this shirt for a time when I would be around complete strangers for most of the day. As expected, I received many comments, glances, and remarks all day long. I had more than one conversation regarding the commonality of issues. For me, the shirt was not a way to show off, or be noticed, as much as it was a way for me to observe others. While many people see me, and the things I do sometimes as immature and sometimes irrational, what many don't realize is that usually my actions are simply a way for me to observe re-actions of those around me. Why do this? It gives me a much better perspective sometimes of where a person is really at. Catching people off guard can allow you to see past the mask and covering of "issues", and into the person's unguarded self. To me, this is the place I want to be with every relationship I have. Past all the masks and cover ups, into the authenticity of the people I care about. I try to connect with people in a way that shows I truly do care and relate, and this is authentic, not manufactured, no matter who they are or where they have been. So, if I have to make a fool of myself in order to reach someone who is hurting, then so be it. After all, I can use all the humility I can get sometimes. The flesh is constantly battling pride, and reminding myself that I am only a fellow servant on this Earth and nothing else, is a consistent need. Hope all had a great Memorial Day!

Laundry

For everyone who has shared a washer and drier with complete strangers, this story is for you. The other night, I went home a little earlier than usual and found that I needed to wash some clothes. It was probably about 9:00pm so I decided it was probably a safe time to confiscate the communal washing machines and driers that the apartment complex has for its tenants to use. First, let me say, I don't particularly enjoy doing laundry, but I really don't like that once this process begins at the community washateria, it usually must be monitored for a time of no less than two hours. Why is this? Well, so far in my experiences I have come across more than one issue regarding laundry day. Once, I walked into the laundry room just in time to find a young lady trying to steal my towels. She instantly began taking "my laundry" out of her basket, the moment I walked in the door. Second, I have found that there are people in this world who will open the door to your clothes while they are drying, (which stops the cycle), and then I guess just forget to start the drier again. This becomes a major irritation at 11:00pm when you are running downstairs in shorts in the middle of January in order to throw your clothes into a basket. But, what do you do? I could go purchase a washer and drier, but what fun would that be? I would miss the experience of paying $1.o0 for every load I wash and another .75 for every load that is dried!

Well, on to my story. So it was 9:00 and I placed my clothes in two of the washing machines in the "mini-Laundromat" and went out to the pool to hang out while they were washing. After about 20 minutes, I notice a woman carrying her laundry to the room. Well, considering there are only three washing machines, and I had taken two, I decided to go let her know that I would be placing my clothes in the drier shortly, (by now it was almost 9:30). I walk in the small L shaped room, and notice that the woman was Spanish. No problem. I proceed to explain, "I am about to move my clothes as soon as they are done drying". She said something in Spanish, and broken English to the effect of "I don't understand". So, now I find myself in an interesting spot. How do I explain this to someone who doesn't understand English? I suddenly find that apparently 3 years of Spanish in High School had never prepared me for a situation such as this (How do I say washing machine in Spanish?) After thinking on this question for a moment, being the genius that I am, I begin to assume that I have a gift to be able to communicate in Spanish through sign language and that this woman would be able to understand it! As I point to the washer, and call out in a Slow louder voice (apparently in my brain, anything that is said slower, and louder is a guaranteed means of producing understanding) "MY CLOTHES ARE IN HERE, I WILL BE BACK IN 5 MINUTES TO MOVE THEM" By this time the woman looked even more confused, and I realized that I think she understood I was five years old, or something to that affect. So, I left the little room, and went to my apartment to grab quarters. I ran back into the Washing room, and placed my clothes into the two driers that are there. AND OF COURSE, after putting my clothes in and putting .75 I turn on one of the driers and NOTHING! Great! now I have lost .75 and have a pile of wet clothes with no where to go! So, being a quick thinker, I loaded those clothes in with my other set in the now 1 remaining working drier. I figure I would run this drier twice in the hopes that the extended time would dry the mountain of clothing being thrown around inside. So, after trying to explain to my new washing friend that the other drier was broken, in my unique form of sign language, I head back to my apartment to sit and wait. Now by this time we were pushing 10:00, and it was going to be at least an hour before I could grab my clothes. My thoughts were to her, she would not even be able to start drying, (3 loads of clothes), until at least 11:00. So, at about 10:30, I run back to the quarter evaporation machine, and throw in another .75. By now I had spent a grand total of $4.25 to wash two loads of clothes! So I then go back to the apartment and finish waiting. Now, at about 11:00 I leave out of the apartment with my laundry basket, with the expectation that I would find my clothes in a big heap in the drier. When I turned the corner to the laundry room, I saw it! My new friend whom I had developed a very extensive sign language vocabulary with, had folded my clothes and placed them neatly on the table beside the drier! I almost fell over! Literally. At that moment, I was so humbled, and thankful, I wanted to run to the different apartments, and bring people to show them what had happened! It was all I could do not to run around and and do cartwheels. I could not believe my eyes. My friend was nowhere in site, and I desperately wanted to say thank you. For those of you questioning why I would be so happy about such a gesture, all I can say is that you must have never walked into a group of communal driers, and seen all your clothes piled in a mountain wrinkled, and only half dry. After experiencing something like that on more than one occasion, the amount of excitement and joy that occurs when someone actually makes laundry day a blessing is unspeakable! So, anyway that is that, I have been forever spoiled by the generosity and caring of someone who I can't even say "thank you" to. I will never look at laundry day the same way again.

"This is the Good Life"

As I was shopping in one of my favorite Christian Bookstores last night for a bible study, I ran over to the music department to look for some new music.(Yes, I do realize that I am one of the last remaining 20 somethings to actually pay full-price for a CD at a brick and mortar store). So as I was looking around and didn't really see anything I felt like wanting to buy, I thought.." for the first time ever, I think Im going to leave here and only purchase the one item I originally planned on purchasing." Then, just as suddenly as the realization had occurred to me, I turn the corner and what do I find? THE SALE RACK!! YES! I step over, and begin scoping out the titles of a pretty big selection of older CD's. Of course, my first thought was "I wonder if there are any Newsboys Cd's in here?" But upon further inspection I didn't see any. Then I find a diamond in the rough....another favorite band, Audio Adrenaline! (http://www.audioa.com/default.aspx). As I looked over the back cover, I decided this album was certainly worth its price. So, there you go, once again I check out from Mardel's with more than I had intended to buy. There certainly is no buyers remorse, because this morning I was certainly blessed by this one small purchase.

I wake up this morning, and have a feeling that it could be one of the tough days. As I get ready for work, I try to stay focused on the blessings I have and on how awesome it is to be able to know God. Then I start to recall a verse that the Lord has been placing in my path on a pretty regular basis. From quiet time, to conversations.........I have either seen, or heard Matthew 6:33 (But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.) on almost a daily basis over the last week, or so. Today, it floods my thoughts as I jump into the Chevy and head out to face the North Dallas traffic. As I normally do, I turn the ignition, and then turn up my music. For me, this is the only way to start the day off. Praise and worship have helped me so much in my walk, and I continue to lean on them in times of trouble, heart ache, and despair. I figure, one day, that is all Im going to want to do anyway, and even though I can't really sing or dance, I know that God is so happy when he sees us try. So, out of the driveway of the apartment complex I start changing the track, looking for that one song to start the day with, you know, the song that gets stuck in your head for the rest of day. I listen to one or two great songs, and then it happens!.........The first chorus rushes into my heart, and I find my heart just at such peace at that moment. I couldn't explain it, but I was just listening, and soaking up the words that seemed to be written just for me, at the time. The sound is called "Good Life" and although I am a fan of Audio Adrenaline, I don't think I had ever heard it before. Here are some of the lyrics:

Good Life by Audio Adrenaline

This is the good life
I've lost everything
I could ever want
And ever dream of

This is the good life
I found everything
I could ever need
Here in your arms

Loneliness has left me searching
For someone to love
Poverty has changed my view
Of what true riches are
Sorrow's opened up my eyes
To see what real joy is
Pain has been the catalyst
To my heart's happiness

I realized that I have changed so much since I have come to know how wonderful and fulfilling the Lord is. If it were possible for me to go back in time and meet myself three years ago, I would probably have persecuted myself when I saw the person I have become today. My wants, my desires, my dreams, I have lost them all, because of Christ, but what I have found after I let them go is Him, He has surpassed my wildest dreams. Loneliness, Poverty, Sorrow, and Pain have all been a part of getting me where I am. Without any one of these difficult parts of life, I don't think I would have fallen so deeply in love with the bountiful blessings, peace, and love of Christ. How could I? I wouldn't have as great of an understanding of how truly sufficient his grace is.

I have found out what it means to live the good life, and all the ideas and thoughts I used to hold as so important and so dear, are now vague and hazy memories of the person I used to be. As Paul states, "But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ." Philippians 3:7. How do I continue on this path of following the lord through difficulties, hurts, pains, and sufferings, that sometimes goes with this worldly body? I think the answer falls in this verse, "..seek first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you." This, I am learning is the only true way to experience the good life, and what a good life it is!

A Few Things I have Noticed About Working Full-Time

Just a few observations I have come up with since graduating and beginning a full-time job back in January.....

1. Sticky Notes are AWESOME, but my problem seems to be that I can't remember to look at them.

2. Fax machines have got to be the greatest invention in the world!

3. Suddenly gaining weight is not as difficult as it once was

4. Everything is always better on Friday

5. Coffee is sometimes the only reason I make it to work in the morning (And Im not a coffee drinker!)

6. Amazingly, the hours after lunch always, always last longer than the hours before, even if there are fewer of them

7. I am now on a first name basis with the dry cleaners and everyone who makes the sandwiches at Subway down the block.

Have a great weekend

-Josh

Don't Discount the Importance of a Good Mattress

My back hurts. It is because of my mattress.

As I was reminded late last week while driving, my mattress really needs to be replaced.

I remember when I bought it. Two years ago, as I was getting geared up to start my journey to Dallas, I realized I needed a smaller bed if I was going to move into a 450sq foot apartment. Now, at the time, I certainly was not rolling in the dough, so I had my radar on the look out for a good deal. I searched high and low, because I could just not get my mind around spending $500-$600 for something as boring as a mattress. To me, there just had to be a better deal than to give into the over inflated mattress retail market. (Remember at that time, I was very interested in the bottom line and very proud and very stubborn, my priorities, one could say were out of line, almost to the point of obsession)

One day, while scouring the want adds, for a used mattress, I SEE IT! Full-size mattress sets starting at $150, Queen size at $200, King size at $250! Woo-Hoo! I knew it! What a deal!
I throw down the paper, and run to the phone as fast as I could, because I knew a deal like this was not going to be around forever. I wasn't going to miss the boat. So, I call up the number under the add, and a nice guy answers the phone. After a short conversation about mattresses, he gives me the address to his place of business. Now, looking back, it might have been wise to have looked a little closer at the name of the company, and address that was given, but hey,......$150 for a mattress, the details about the business are insignificant!

As I look up the "location" or should I say rendezvous point, on the internet, a thought flashes across my mind, "I have been out in this area before, and all there is are small storage unit like warehouses. I don't recall seeing any mattress businesses out there.......Ah Well, $150!" After getting the directions I leave to fulfill my mission of a mattress under $200! After a short drive, I pull up to the address I had listed on my internet map, and just as expected....no mattress store in site.

The exact address was to a large tin, storage warehouse, no real entrance, except for a large garage type door. After looking around for a few minutes and realizing that my "mattress dealer" apparently only actually attended his business establishment at specified appointment times, I began to question the logic of this decision. Well, shortly thereafter my mattress salesman arrived, and "opened the business", i.e. pulled the door up. I walk into a large tin building, with mattresses as far as the eye could see. There were even a few "floor models" in which you could test the mattress before you "carried it out". So, after some small talk, I was shown the coveted $150 mattress set, "uh-huh" I said. You see, I don't know a lot about mattresses, but I decided that a mattress that you could feel each individual spring, and count each one in the same fashion as someone would count your ribs when tickling you, is probably not going to be something you would want to sleep on. So.....we moved up one level to the $200 full-size set (which by the way is the one I purchased). Now, in this model you could not feel the springs, but I will say that it certainly showed its quality, when I picked it up with one hand and twirled it around on one finger......(I wasn't a very big guy back then, either). But, for me, the deal was much much sweeter than any good nights sleep that I would have on a more expensive mattress! So, I said...Sold! We opened up the other garage door, I pulled my truck around, literally threw the mattress in the bed, and we were all set to go!

Now, as I look back on that decision, the question arises, "Josh, now was that really a good deal?" As I head to the kitchen for some aspirin I tell myself...."of course, $200 for a bed set! you can't beat it!"..........opening the aspirin....and grimacing "Yea, you really showed the world with this one!"

My back still hurts.

Short Today

Not much time to write today. But something I found in my quiet time.

"And he began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders and chief priests and the scribes and be killed, and after three days rise again. And he said this plainly. And Peter took Him aside and began to rebuke Him. But turning and seeing the disciples, he rebuked Peter and said, "Get behind me Satan! For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man." And he called to the crowd with his disciples and said to them, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it." Matthew 8: 31-35

Some questions to ponder:

How did Satan work in this instance?

What does it mean to deny yourself and take up your cross?

What does it look like when you lose your life for Christ?

Hope all are blessed!

Happenings as I Drove Home Part 2

Continued from Monday.......

So, after removing said mattress from the underbelly of my truck, I proceeded on to the car rental place. After a few minutes, I was on the road! All was well the rest of the way home, and really, I didn't think much else of the mattress incident. That is, until I was headed back to Dallas on Sunday!

As I reached the outskirts of Huntsville Texas, I was driving down a small backroad and focusing very deeply on the emotional baggage that I wanted to "leave on the side of the road" when suddenly, I look up and see a small sign. "Sam Houston Grave Site"--------->. Really, If I hadn't been looking directly at that place at that moment, I would probably have driven right by without being any wiser. But, as I passed, my mind started tossing around these words "Sam Houston Grave Site". So in a matter of seconds, my mind takes the information, and processes it. Sam Houston was one of Texas's Heros. From what I remember about third grade Texas History he was a very important man to Texas gaining its independence. Bottom line is that for a Texan, this man is a legend. So, I thought......I would like to see the grave site of a Texas Legend, I bet there is an elaborate display, I wouldn't be surprised if there is a line of people just sitting there staring at this grave site! Exciting stuff! So, I very swiftly maneuvered my Neon around the block and headed in the direction the arrow on the sign was pointing. A couple of turns later, I find myself parked in front of this somewhat large monument (Id say about 8 or 9 feet tall), that had an etching of Sam Houston on it. I get out of Neon (by this time the car and I were on a first name basis), and I walk around to the front of this memorial. There I find the grave of a Texas Legend. As I stood there, I just got the realization that really after all this man had accomplished in his life, and after all the history books had been written, here he is. So much about him has faded over time, an now I would venture to say that outside of Texas you would probably have a difficult time finding people who have even heard of him. Basically, I was blessed in that moment. I realized that in this life no matter what we accomplish, no matter what we do, in a matter of years, few people, if any, will remember us. But, while we are on this Earth, we have the opportunity every day to make an eternal impact on the lives of those around us that will not fade and erase over time, but will last forever. Needless to say, this little detour had provided me a great perspective that will be with me for years.

In closing, I wanted to wrap up with some of things the Lord showed me through my two somewhat unexpected turns while driving this weekend.

Number one, as we walk through our life we can be confronted with unexpected flying mattresses that we have little or no time to react to. Even in those moments when we don't know what's going to happen, or what is going to become of this event, the Lord can place blessings in our life to help, that we would never expect (my new friend in the jeep)!
So, was the reason I was attacked by a mattress because of the trial, or because of the blessing of seeing a perfect stranger take the time to care. I don't know. It could be both or neither.

Number two, sometimes when we get so focused on working through our faith (dropping emotional baggage), that we might miss the road sign pointing towards a blessing!

Hope all are blessed today!

Happenings as I Drove Home

I made it home in one piece this weekend, although there was almost too much alone time! Almost, but not quite. As predicted there were certainly more than enough one sided conversations with myself. There were also some exciting happenings along the drive that I certainly want to make mention of.

First, after I left work on Friday, happily driving down to pick up my nice, shiny NEON (which was actually kind of fun to drive) ( yes, I have issues) the trip was close to being cut short. As always, I was driving my truck with one hand on the steering wheel, while talking on the phone and shifting gears with the other, when suddenly, I look up, and see a queen size mattress disconnect from the El Camino in front of me, and come flying like a mad albatross straight for my truck's grill. Now, while many would consider this a rather disconcerting experience, all I remember thinking is, ( keep in mind, still talking on the phone) "this is going to be interesting". I had no time to react, and before I knew it, I had run straight over the top of the mattress. Whew! Glad that was over, no harm no foul, right? WRONG! As I pressed oh so cautiously on the gas pedal of the truck, I notice the horsepower just wasn't there. I glanced over at my mirrors, and low and behold what do I find? I was dragging a mattress along the side of my truck by my back passenger tire. Hum! What to do in a situation such as this? There were a couple of options from which to chose: 1. Pull over, 2. Speed Up and pray it comes disconnected 3. Continue on the path I was going, and drive the mattress to the house and keep it. (I need a new mattress too!). Well, after a short moment of processing I decided option one was probably the best route to take. So, I pulled over (as did the El-Camino) and I proceeded to look at the damage. It should be noted that a really nice guy in a jeep behind me also pulled over to inspect the renegade mattress fiasco as well. So what did I find? One of the mattress springs had decided it would be fun to wrap around my strut! Fun Fun. So, long story short, after 20 minutes of driving back and forth over the mattress, me my new best friend in the jeep, and the el Camino crew manage to get the mattress released from its death grip on my truck. Now the funny part about all this is the way I cut short my phone conversation (obviously, I needed to see about the mattress, and I figured my full attention would be needed for this project) Best I can remember it went something like this: "Hey, uh, I don't mean to interrupt you, but I just ran over a mattress, and I think it is stuck to my truck", the other side of the phone, "....."huh? okay, right." "bye"..."bye".

To be continued.......

Quick Note

A few things that I have observed this week:

1. When you get a new cell phone it is always a pain to figure out how to send text messages.

2. People always seem to give awkward goodbye's when they are in a hurry. They can't decide if they should take the time to say something more or not. Usually it lands somewhere in the middle of a pleasant casual see you later and a muffled rushed "later".

3. The thing I can't stand about washing clothes is the whole folding thing, it is much more complicated than it looks

4. I don't like buying gasoline right now

5. No matter how old you get, you will always be protected by your big sister, and always insulted by your little brother!

6. Most of the time your worst critic is yourself

7. Cubicles cause me claustrophobia

8. Time stops for 30 minutes at 3:00 on Friday!

BTW-if you get a chance, I posted a blog for Wednesday, today (don't ask me how I did it), its of a little more substance than this.

Waiting on the Weekend

This weekend I will head back to the old home town of Beaumont to visit my family. One important note here is that Sunday is Mother's Day (Hi Mom!), so everyone please remember to say a special thank you to the one's who carried you around for nine months! For that matter say thank you to any mom, who carried anyone, anywhere for nine months, whether they carried your best friend, or someone you don't even know. After all we're talking nine months! So, from my heart to all the mom's out there THANK YOU! (Especially my mom, my Nene, and the Newest Mom in my family, My sister!).

On Friday, I will leave work, head to the rental car company, and pick up my cool Dodge Neon(yea, I am serious a Neon), in order to hit the road. ( Trust me if you saw a receipt for a fill-up for my truck, you wouldn't be laughing near as hard as you are right now). Now, the one part of this trip that I am excited, and yet almost scared about is the drive down and drive back home. You see I like the idea of having some serious thinking/reflecting time and leaving little parts of my many pieces of emotional baggage along Interstate 45 that I don't ever have to pick up again. But, the down side is that I am going to be trapped by myself in a car for 4.5 hours! As many of you who know me can attest, my co-dependency doesn't like for me to be alone for too long, (conversations with yourself, no matter how neutral you plan on being, are often one sided). I am sure there will be some prayers, some tears, and some loud singing (along to the radio), but most importantly I am praying there is clarity, peace, and understanding for my heart. So, if you get a spare moment please pray for me on Friday night, and Sunday afternoon, as I will be driving not only down a beautiful stretch of Texas Highway, but hopefully down to the depths of my heart.

Saul and David

Have you ever been in a place where you have this question on your mind, and have just been waiting and waiting for the Lord to make things clear? Well, I think I am the verge of having one of my long time questions clarified.

I have wondered for months in the back of my mind about King Saul. It is not that this has been an overwhelming priority to figure out, but it has just lingered in the background of my thoughts everytime I have read, heard, or spoken anything related to Samuel, Saul, or David. Today, while sitting at lunch, eating a turkey and ham sandwich, it started to click.......

Saul was the first king of Israel, and yet, he just seemed to meet such a less than honorable ending. Then his successor, David, who was alive in his reign and even served Saul, was honored. My question has been, why did God allow Saul to be king in the first place? Now, besides the answer in which I have told myself for a while: Because He is God, and He can do that......, I think I have begun to get a glimpse into part of the reason.

We start our adventure into the word at 1 Samuel 9:2, describing Saul's physical appearance. ".....a hansome young man. There was not a man among the people of Israel more handsome than he. From his shoulders upward he was taller than any of the people" Obviously, Saul was not your average Israelite. Bottom line, the guy was very unique. He was a towering man, who probably was respected for the shear fact that he was so big. I can just see other men in Israel looking up to him (literally and figuratively) all because He was much taller and more handsome than they were. It seems that today our culture echoes much of this same mentality; respect is garnished from appearance, without much else needed.

Now lets contrast this with a description of David. In 1 Samuel Ch. 16 verse 11, Jesse refers to David as "the youngest", in my translation it also shows a substitute for smallest. Then, in verse 12 "...Now he was ruddy and had beautiful eyes and was handsome." Okay, now the first question that popped into my mind, is; what is ruddy? From what I can track down, this is referring to his complexion, He was dark, and this can be inferred was from sitting out in the sun all day with the sheep that he was shepherding. So in all honesty he was an above average looking working class guy.

The beginnings of a contrast are forming here. Saul was the towering intimidating figure, that I bet many people picture in their mind when thinking of David. But, David was the youngest of his brothers, and I have a feeling was not near as imposing of a figure as Saul was.

Now, digging deeper, lets look as some other contrast with the first two kings of Israel. First, if there is one thing that I always remember about King Saul it is that He was disobedient to the Lord. In two specific circumstances the Lord tells Saul exactly what to do, and Saul doesn't fully obey. Notice I said fully obey, because in Saul's mind, he had complied with the majority of the request, and therefore that was good enough. See 1 Samuel Ch. 13 v:1-15 and 1 Samuel 15 v:1-35. David on the other hand, was devoted to trying to follow the Lord as closely and directly as possible. He was constantly inquiring of the Lord's will, See 1 Samuel Ch.22-Ch.23 v.1-14 for one example of this.

So now, we have three major contrast between the first kings. 1. how they are known, (Saul lost God's annointing, and David is blessed) 2. From outward appearances Saul seems to be the perfect choice for a king, while David is somewhat ordinary. 3. Saul was disobedient, and David diligently tried to seek the Lord's will (not to say that David was perfect, but that he honestly wanted to be obedient). What does all this mean?

The conclusion of all this was shown to me in a verse that is also in Samuel, although it is referring to the choice of Jesse's sons as king. To me it sums up the answer to the question Why was Saul ever made king?

1 Samuel 16: 7 "..."Do not look on his appearance or the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as a man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."

So without giving the answer away, and actually letting you think a little deeper on this. What is the lesson to be learned about Saul? And figuring this out will answer the original question of: why was he King in the first place?

Not the Best Couple of Days

The Lord has given me a precious gift to be an encourager to others in this life, but the last few days have been tough. Situations and circumstances that I usually find great joy in, have been met with a smile that is genuine, although less than fully shown. I have determined that these tough moments make it difficult to reach out and truly try to bring out joy in the others around me. Overall, I am trying to view it as a learning experience and let the Lord's grace be sufficient. I understand that "for everything there is a season", and that "this too shall pass", so for now I am striving to keep pushing forward through those things that are less than comfortable, knowing in my heart that there is hope for a better day. All the while, I am trying to pray and continue to encourage those around me, trusting that the Lord can encourage, even when I as the messenger cannot. The Lord never promised the walk with Him on this Earth would always be an easy one, and I am learning that more day by day. But, I live with a hope of the joy that we as believers will one day experience in His presence and that makes the tough days easier.

"......for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content." Philippians 4: 11

Aaron Shust

I purchased a CD on Saturday from an artist that I had only heard one song from. His name is Aaron Shust (http://www.aaronshust.com/). His song My Savior My God has touched my heart in a way that not many songs do. As a matter of fact, the whole album is Awesome. He loves the Lord, and you can feel the devotion he has through the words of his songs. There is a humbleness about him, and yet such power from his words. I have listened to this CD probably 10 times over the course of the week, and it has brought comfort in a very difficult time. The lyrics attached to my hurting soul, and have brought joy to my lips.

Lyrics from My Savior My God that hit me everytime I hear them:

"I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, What God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands one who is my Savior"

I am humbled at the thought of Jesus standing at the right hand of the Father. Who am I to question God, and Who am I to try to do anything except what He asks? I am not skilled to understand why, I am only to obey Him. He is my Lord and my Savior, and He is owed my devotion and faith. I cannot see His plans they are too high for me, too wonderful for me to understand. All I can do is trust and obey. This is what my faith is founded on, and this is how I try, rather unsuccessfully at times, to live my life. I have devoted my paths to Him, and want only to follow where He leads. I have been humbled again and again by planning a path, and then later seeing the Lord change its direction in ways that I never anticipated. But, who am I? I can only follow where He leads, I am an undeserving servant.

So as I walk through the days and think on this song, I realize how little I do understand right now, and that through it all I have faith that the Lord is above all looking down on me, guiding me.

The Wonders of Candy

As I sat at my desk today and went through a list of activities that recur on a pretty regular basis, I suddenly felt like jumping out of my chair, scaling the wall of my cube, and screaming while I ran up and down the hallway. I guess it was just the oppressive silence that had finally gotten to me, but nevertheless I seriously pondered it for a minute. Thankfully, the feeling passed and I sat once again staring directly into the eyes of my new best friend......the computer monitor.

While I gazed at the screen trying to compose my thoughts, I suddenly realized that there was a cure to these mid day doldrums........The stash of candy in the kitchen! WOO-HOO!!! Now if there was anything that was going to liven this day surely I could find it in the candy bag! As I mischievously made my way out of my cube, and turned the corner to the kitchen I was feeling quite content with myself. I grinned as I opened the cabinet door, just knowing there was going to be a kit-kat ready and waiting to be devoured. I slowly dug through the candy bag, rummaging to the very bottom just to be sure, but like a bad nightmare I came to the stunnng realization that there were NO MORE KIT-KATS!!!!! NNNNNOOOOOO!!!!!!! This can't be I thought, there has to be at least one. As I scavenged more frantically than ever the cold hard truth slapped me in the face; I must settle for a Twix. There it was, a moment in which I could have been defeated in my quest for a smile, but I would have none of that! I hurriedly banish the disappointment from my mind, and quickly devoured my party sized treat. Now I thought, a few more hours until lunch! Woo-Hoo!!!!!!

Me

Love and Acceptance

Yesterday I was busy running errands: running to the dry cleaners, washing the truck, and grabbing dinner, when I realized how busy the world around me seemed. Everyone was basically doing the same thing I was; trying to get all the daily activities crammed into the remaining hours left before they fall asleep. Noone really pays much attention to anyone or anything else around them. We were all in a comatose state zoned into whatever trivial task was set before us at the moment. Then I began to realize, noone hardly talks to each other. Its just person after person hurrying on the way to get the day over with.

With all this in mind I began to ask, what is it that people are looking for in life? Surely, this that I see in front of me is not what the Lord had intended for us. So as I drove along in my truck two words came to my mind: love and acceptance. My peer group and those directly younger than me are so used to walking around in a shell of silence, that they have forgotten what it feels like to be loved and accepted! Just saying hello to someone and trying to start a small conversation based on the observable things around them can bring a smile to a person's face faster than anything I have ever seen. People are in desperate need to be seen, acknowledge, and noticed in this fast-paced ultra competitive world we call home. All our lives we have been taught about independence and self-sufficiency to the point that I think we see everyone else around us as a competitor, instead of a person. With just a little change of perspective the world can become so much more interesting and accepting. After all, no two people on the planet were given the same exact life, so why not take a few minutes to see life from someone else's shoes?

BACK AGAIN!

Well after a long break....Im back! Hopefully my faithfulness to post will be more of a priority this time around. My goal is to provide shorter more frequent updates as opposed to longer more sporadic ones. Maybe one day I'll even post a picture so as to change up the scenery a bit.

So, what is in the works? Right now I am finally settling in to the ole 9 to 5 working life. What a life it is.....its all very exciting. I wake up at around 7:00 each morning, drive to work, and sit in a cube for eight hours! (Please don't be too jealous, I know it's very glamorous). But, Im not complaining, just trying to make sense of how intelligent human beings have managed to turn themselves into glorified zoo animals. (without anyone paying to see them).

Okay enough of that, something happen yesterday that has been on my mind a bit today. I met a man downtown that was living a life that many could probably never imagine. He lives on the streets and travels around looking for jobs to do so that he can save money towards a home. The interesting thing about this man was that even though He didn't have much, I could tell he was content. All he owned was placed neatly away in a small tote bag that he carried wherever he went. As I talked with Him, I realized that he wasn't complaining about where he was, but was only trying to make the best of the situation in which he was in. All the while he humbly thanked our group for coming out to help those who needed it. He knew about the Lord, and when I offered him a Bible, he slowly grinned, and said "no thanks I already have one in my bag". While I didn't get lots of time to spend talking about his past I could tell that he had spent many nights talking to the Lord about the needs and desires of His heart. It once again put my life in perspective. I have been given so much and yet I continually complain about circumstances and things that do not go as I would like. I am always begging God for relief from problems, burdens, and hurts, all the while I fail to look closely at the precious blessings I have already received. Why do some of us get to go to college, sit in a cube all day, and never really worry about our daily needs, while others only have a concern of where they will find their next bologna sandwich? I am not the one with the answer to that, but I do certainly thank the Lord for the things that He has given me that I know I take for granted: salvation, food, clothing, shelter, love, friendship, health, and an infinite number of other blessings that many in the world do not have.