Graduation Day........December 10, 2005. What have I learned over the past 16 months? That the Lord can change a person into things that they never thought or dreamed they could be. As I look back at myself, and examine the circumstances that have occurred in my life, I realize I found something I never had......peace. I now consider myself changed forever through the willingness to walk close with Christ. This is in sharp contrast to my once selfish attitude. You see, I once viewed my Christian life in the sense of walking around thinking Christ would follow. By doing this I was taking my life in my own hands, and focusing on my own will, and the result..... I was constantly tormented. This torment came from all directions all the time; it was mostly from feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, lust, greed, envy, coveting, and loneliness. In short, the effects of living in the world, and for the world.
In contrast to those tough and lonely times, I now have a blessing of peace. While my world continues to accelerate, and changes happen more frequently and with more consequence, I sit and realize, I am at peace. When fear and doubt creep in, ultimately I have an intense calm and constant reminder that I am not living life for myself, and therefore should not feel the need to control the situations around me. My only responsibility in those circumstances is to REACT and to react in the way the Lord wants. Now this does go with the disclaimer that times occur when I know I go against God's will, and times occurr when I just totally miss God's will from being pre-occupied, or just too busy. That does not mean that His will does not ultimately get accomplished, it only means that He had to get it accomplished either with me, or without me taking part. You see, the Lord gives us the opportunity to bring glory to Himself, and our demise is that sometimes we miss that! Whether circumstances I face would be deemed bad, or good doesn't really change the decisions the Lord wants me to make; I think it only changes my perspective as to how much am I willing to wait and learn what the Lord wants me to do.
Now, just reading this some may say, yea sure.....Peace, whatever? Well, I can certainly understand that response, and would venture to say that obviously this is something you have never experienced. I realize that to those in utter misery right now, that you are comparing your life with mine, and making statements to the effect that I have never been where you have, and thus have no idea the hurt and pain you struggle with on a daily basis. In response, I say, I agree. I have only lived my life and know experience and hurt through my eyes. One thing I do know is that Christ knows EXACTLY how you feel. After all He became a man on Earth, and experienced life just as we do. The amazing thing about it all is that He chose to do the will of God every step in the process.
Some may also say, what does Jesus know about internal pain and suffering He had God with Him to help him through the tough times? How can he truly relate? In response I would encourage you to read Luke 22:44. This verse will give you an accurate description of the internal pain that Jesus faced while alive, and hopefully will give you a more humbled perspective of the pain that you are struggling with. Jesus does understand your hurt, your fears, your pain, and your suffering........And He is the one that can give you a peace about facing it. When I got to the point where I finally just let go, that is when peace entered my life. Now, the control over my life is in the hands of the One who can do the job. The only role I really want to play is choosing to wait for him to show me what to do , and then do it! I also understand, that although this process sounds relatively simple, I will spend the rest of my life trying to figure out how to accomplish it!
-Joshua
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Dear Josh,
We have been together for nearly one and a half years and it has always been good to know that you have tried to delve deep into a realm that is rarely explored by many who have no time from personal aggrandizements to know about their real self. It is heartening to read about your expereinces in life; the transformation caused by your proximity to the infinite element that is within everyone but rarely known and experienced.
I am of the opinion that life is not just a set of physical things explainable by science. There are lots of other very important things in life that lie beyond the realm of rationality; such as the emotion that beauty produces, the idea of goodness, the notion of truth, the feeling of pain, joy and sympathy for others etc. All these things in their infinite form are what constitute pure consciousness or God. God is within us; the pure consciousness that is the very essence of our existence as humans. Lot of people lead their entire life on the periphery of this material world and are never able to realize their essence in pure form. They miss what they are capable of experiencing and realizing as superior forms of creation. Why is man unhappy and unsatisfied despite having all the luxuries of life? Perhaps the solution to this complex problem lies not “without” but “within”. Excessive focus on “matter” takes people away from their own self, creating a situation where they feel stranger to themselves. It is the inherent need to know about oneself and the lack of this knowledge that creates the inner tension and turmoil. The more one is at peace with their own "self", the more they are in harmony with everything outside. Voltaire once said that “even if God does not exist it would be necessary to invent him.” Perhaps he had thought that this notion of a “personal God” would help people get to know about themselves from close quarters; a step toward realizing their true self, or God if you will.
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