I was listening to a Newsboy CD last night, this song says a lot:
"When the Tears Fall" Newsboys, Devotion CD
I've Had Questions
Without Answers
I've known Sorrow
I Have Known Pain
But there's one thing
That I'll cling to
You're Faithful
Jesus, You're true
When Hope is Lost
I'll Call You Savior
When Pain Surrounds
I'll Call you Healer
When Silence Falls
You'll be the Song within my heart
In the Lone hour
Of my Sorrow
Through the darkest
Night of my soul
You surround me
And Sustain Me
My Defender
Forever More
And I will Praise you
I will praise you
When the tears fall
Still I will sing to you
I will praise you
Jesus Praise you
Through the suffering
I will sing
It is certainly not easy to praise the Lord sometimes, especially in the tough circumstances, but we are still called to do it. The one thing that we should keep in mind is that our lives are not about us. They are about Him. While it's easy for us to get down and discouraged, and then want to stop praising the Lord, these are the times when we should praise Him most. If you have studied the ministry of Jesus, or the life of Paul, pain and suffering are a huge part of their lives. As followers of Christ, and God's children, why would our lives not follow the same path. Suffering is part of our walk, and through even the most difficult pain we are supposed to strive towards praising the name of Jesus. Walking in his ways is not always easy, but that should not change our perspective on how thankful we should be to Him. He has given us eternal life, and that gift was paid for by his suffering. In the darkest times in our lives we won't come near to experiencing the sufferings He went through for us, so all we can hope to do is carry our hurts and praise Him for them.
"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed." 1 Peter 4:12,13
I am sure Peter knew a thing our two about trials, He denied Jesus three times right before Jesus was beaten and killed for Him. I am sure that it took Peter a while to understand the trial that he had went through, but through that trial God was able to use him to write the above scripture to help us in our painful circumstances. We rejoice in our sufferings knowing that one day the Lord's glory will be revealed and that is worth the pain we face.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Friday, August 25, 2006
Quick Note
Does anyone else get tired of thinking? My brain doesn't know when to stop. This is one of the many reasons why I love following the Lord. You don't have to think so much. Of course, I always overthink things, even in the process of learning how to live by faith. I guess as we follow the Lord we begin to learn more about what the balance is between faith and thinking. Sometimes, I wish that there was a switch connected to the back of my neck that I could turn off all unneeded repetitive thoughts. When I faced a problem at work, or something like that, I would simply turn the switch on, just long enough to drive myself 80% of the way insane, but also with enough new thoughts to derive a somewhat logical conclusion to a problem. At the conclusion of the thought to solve the issue, I would simply flip the "repetitive useless thought" switch off, and go on about my day. I know this is random, but wanted to blog a little before I left for the weekend. Hope everyone is doing well, and leave me a comment about the new blog format if you get a chance, too much green? Yea, I kind of wanted to go for that "way over done 70's retro feel" that seems to be prevalent today, oh wait, that is only in regard to my couch at the house! Have a great weekend everyone.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Update on my Brother
I found out today that Jacob may be getting out of the hospital on Friday, and allowed to go home. It has been over a month since his accident, and he is just now going to leave the hospital. It has been a tough road for Jake this far, and I suspect that we will still have a ways to go before he has fully recovered from the accident, but overall I am so grateful to know that over time he should make a full recovery. Thank you for all your prayers, support, and concern for him, while he may not get a chance to meet you, I know that he is forever thankful for all of your support in this tough time. The Lord has done, and is still working miraculous things in his life, and lives of my family.
Please keep up the prayers for all of us, as there is still plenty of healing left to occur. It truly is a blessing to have so many who care and I can't express how thankful I am for all of you.
Please keep up the prayers for all of us, as there is still plenty of healing left to occur. It truly is a blessing to have so many who care and I can't express how thankful I am for all of you.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Works Based Mentality
This is a deeper post, so this is your pre-post warning.
As I was driving earlier today, a thought crossed my mind? Why is it so difficult to get 20-somethings into church? I mean, it has seem to become the anti-everything. Church means anti-fun, anti-happiness, anti-laziness, etc...What has this generation become? We sit and wait for things to be brought before us, in which we can stand back and judge negatively, without really being open to experiencing or investigating. We look at church, and claim it is not the answer, yet most of us don't even have the slightest clue what "church" actually is. We are so focused on Christ not being the answer, that in reality we have probably never even gotten far enough past our own egos to allow Him the opportunity to be. So, where does this disdain for religion, and anything remotely pointing thereto, come from?
My thoughts:
Growing up in church as a kid (and let me state right here that I understand my experience is not directly applicable to everyone, so take this with a grain of salt, and allow it to stand for what it is, my own story), some of what I remember, is the pressure I felt at times about "doing" evangelism. As I reflect back on my thought processes at the time, I remember that my idea of a Christian was defined by one word "evangelize". I am saved therefore, I must be espousing the salvation plan to everyone I see. If I am not doing this, I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing, so therefore something is wrong with me. You see, I was (as difficult as many of you may find this) a very shy kid growing up. The thought of going up to someone and directly confronting them on believing in Jesus was quite intimidating to me. As I grew older, this never seemed to be something that got easier to do, and yet I felt guilty at times for not doing it enough. Now, this is where Im going to tie this together.
I feel that many of us "20 somethings" went through similar circumstances, and therefore developed somewhat of a "giving up" attitude towards our Christian Walk. We set back and decided, I am never going to be this person who can instantly turn people in one conversation, into a follower of Christ, so therefore I shouldn't even waste my time trying. The problem begins here. Suddenly, this feeling of, I am not like that, I am different, and therefore I don't need to push forward with the Lord, begins to take hold. We simply became deceived, and then defeated in the idea of pointing towards Jesus. Then we started getting side tracked in all the many distractions that the world told us were more important than "church". Through this process, a resentment began to form. "I was told of all this peace and happiness I would experience when I trusted Jesus, but all I have found is that I am not good enough to be a Christian, because I can't evangelize!" Now, years after trusting the Lord, these gen x'ers are no further along in Christian development than when they first trusted the Lord.
So what is there to do. Once again, my opinion, but lets start with showing those very skeptical Christians the truth through our actions as believers, and allow them to see the freedom we have from the very concerns that they struggle with. Allow the Lord to work through us in our daily lives, in our decisions, and our everyday existence. After all, we are "salt and light", so lets continue in our saltiness, to preserve the character of the Lord, and be light through everything about us, not just the words that we speak. Let's focus on growing into a deeper, stronger relationship with Lord, and gaining an understanding that He is big enough to use not only the words I say, but also the love, and actions I show, to bring his children to himself. Let's share the gospel in truth about the way the Lord has given us freedom, through our testimonies. In short, lets get past the guilt we feel for not evangelizing, and begin working in the place the Lord has planted us, to show the gospel in ways that people may have never seen or heard! The bottom line is Christ, not only telling him, but showing him, not only vocally worshipping him, but worshipping him in every thought, and action in our lives, so that those around us can "see our good works, and give glory to our Father who is in Heaven". After all, "They will know we are Christians by our love". So, start, loving on those who need love, start helping those who need help, and always, above all else, be pointing to the Lord in every part of who you are, so that those whom you may never,ever notice are watching you, can see the Lord come through without a word ever being said.
Know this is a soapbox, so as always post comments and let me know your thoughts!
-Josh
As I was driving earlier today, a thought crossed my mind? Why is it so difficult to get 20-somethings into church? I mean, it has seem to become the anti-everything. Church means anti-fun, anti-happiness, anti-laziness, etc...What has this generation become? We sit and wait for things to be brought before us, in which we can stand back and judge negatively, without really being open to experiencing or investigating. We look at church, and claim it is not the answer, yet most of us don't even have the slightest clue what "church" actually is. We are so focused on Christ not being the answer, that in reality we have probably never even gotten far enough past our own egos to allow Him the opportunity to be. So, where does this disdain for religion, and anything remotely pointing thereto, come from?
My thoughts:
Growing up in church as a kid (and let me state right here that I understand my experience is not directly applicable to everyone, so take this with a grain of salt, and allow it to stand for what it is, my own story), some of what I remember, is the pressure I felt at times about "doing" evangelism. As I reflect back on my thought processes at the time, I remember that my idea of a Christian was defined by one word "evangelize". I am saved therefore, I must be espousing the salvation plan to everyone I see. If I am not doing this, I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing, so therefore something is wrong with me. You see, I was (as difficult as many of you may find this) a very shy kid growing up. The thought of going up to someone and directly confronting them on believing in Jesus was quite intimidating to me. As I grew older, this never seemed to be something that got easier to do, and yet I felt guilty at times for not doing it enough. Now, this is where Im going to tie this together.
I feel that many of us "20 somethings" went through similar circumstances, and therefore developed somewhat of a "giving up" attitude towards our Christian Walk. We set back and decided, I am never going to be this person who can instantly turn people in one conversation, into a follower of Christ, so therefore I shouldn't even waste my time trying. The problem begins here. Suddenly, this feeling of, I am not like that, I am different, and therefore I don't need to push forward with the Lord, begins to take hold. We simply became deceived, and then defeated in the idea of pointing towards Jesus. Then we started getting side tracked in all the many distractions that the world told us were more important than "church". Through this process, a resentment began to form. "I was told of all this peace and happiness I would experience when I trusted Jesus, but all I have found is that I am not good enough to be a Christian, because I can't evangelize!" Now, years after trusting the Lord, these gen x'ers are no further along in Christian development than when they first trusted the Lord.
So what is there to do. Once again, my opinion, but lets start with showing those very skeptical Christians the truth through our actions as believers, and allow them to see the freedom we have from the very concerns that they struggle with. Allow the Lord to work through us in our daily lives, in our decisions, and our everyday existence. After all, we are "salt and light", so lets continue in our saltiness, to preserve the character of the Lord, and be light through everything about us, not just the words that we speak. Let's focus on growing into a deeper, stronger relationship with Lord, and gaining an understanding that He is big enough to use not only the words I say, but also the love, and actions I show, to bring his children to himself. Let's share the gospel in truth about the way the Lord has given us freedom, through our testimonies. In short, lets get past the guilt we feel for not evangelizing, and begin working in the place the Lord has planted us, to show the gospel in ways that people may have never seen or heard! The bottom line is Christ, not only telling him, but showing him, not only vocally worshipping him, but worshipping him in every thought, and action in our lives, so that those around us can "see our good works, and give glory to our Father who is in Heaven". After all, "They will know we are Christians by our love". So, start, loving on those who need love, start helping those who need help, and always, above all else, be pointing to the Lord in every part of who you are, so that those whom you may never,ever notice are watching you, can see the Lord come through without a word ever being said.
Know this is a soapbox, so as always post comments and let me know your thoughts!
-Josh
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Where does the time go?
Im sitting here at work, coffee in one hand, and Famous Amos cookies in the other (breakfast Okay). I have one question going through my mind? Where does the time go? I used to think back in grad school that I didn't have enough time to get everything done, but that was nothing compared to now. Every time I turn around there is some small errand that I need to run, or I have to stop and eat or sleep. I mean 24 is just not enough hours in the day sometimes. This is not a blog in which I am complaining (too much), just trying to figure out where those extra hours in which I could do laundry, clean the house, and study for my dreaded Series 65 Exam go. In all actuality, the problem is more prioritizing more than anything else, but hey, it makes me feel better to think that the day time hours are in a conspiracy to keep me from catching everything up! haha. Anyway, I know this is short and sweet, but just hoping that everyone out there thinking the same thing realizes they are not alone.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Heading Home for the Weekend
As soon as I leave work, Im heading to pick up my old friend,Dodge Neon, and together we are going to take another 4 hour journey down to Beaumont. Along the way there will be many laughs and memories to share,......... just me and my rental car!
Its going to be just like old times, three months ago, when I pulled up to Enterprise and met RC for the first time. He was a cool car, and the only issue I had with him, was his lack of 20th, yea that's right 20th century, technology (NO CD PLAYER!). As we headed out of Dallas I tell it was going to be a great trip, RC was cruising at an RPM rate, which Im sure he very rarely reached, and I was jamming to the tape deck! j/k even I don't have anymore cassettes! As I looked down, I noticed that the previous RC driver had really done me a huge favor, and returned RC with only about 1/16 of a tank of gas, so before I hit the Dallas City Limit Sign I had to stop and fill up. Now, here is where RC and I really begin to bond. As many of you know, gas stations below the south side of 635 are not among the most inviting places to stop in the DFW metroplex. So RC and I pull slowly into the closest GS, and pull up to the pump. As I step out of the car, I notice, at this particular "convenient store" that there are bars on the windows and doors, and the clerk is situated behind a partician of glass, with a little slot in which you could pay. No worries I thought all this security is probably just a way to help the customers feel more "secure" in purchasing their gasoline. After filling up RC, buying some candy, and paying the "box guy". I jumped in RC and took off towards Big B-town. After two hours, I was starting to get hungry, so I stopped at one place always stop on the trip to Beaumont, Whataburger!, not sure why, it has sort of become my own personal tradition. I head into Whataburger, and get a number 1, with cheese, and fries, with tons and tons of my favorite ketchup in the world. RC all the while is out in the parking lot taking a rest from a very tiring trip thus far. He certainly had all the hampster wheels turning as we were driving, and I could tell that the gasoline from "Jack's Grocery, Gas, and Guy in the Box" was probably not the best as far as combustion goes. After eating I jump back in the car, and proceed down the road. One note about this trip was that I was going to be cutting through Huntsville to Livingston, and then dropping down to Beaumont circa the back woods highways. What does the mean? RC was probably not going to have a very fun time.....As I slid off the interstate and turned onto the Texas state highway system, I begin to really push ole RC. Short stopping, and sharp turns was only the beginning. But, this was not the worst part...the worst part for RC was....the bugs! Man oh man were there a ton of insects flying around in the deep east Texas woods that night. It felt as though I was in a locusts plague! Poor RC by the time we reached Beaumont he was no longer that shiny white face I had grown to love, but was now a little duller in the paint, and a little less polished than he had been a few hours previously. Needless to say, I never did wash RC, and the four trip home was very similar to trip down to Beaumont. So, all this to say, Im looking forward to catching up with Dodge neon this afternoon, it should be an emotional reunion.
Its going to be just like old times, three months ago, when I pulled up to Enterprise and met RC for the first time. He was a cool car, and the only issue I had with him, was his lack of 20th, yea that's right 20th century, technology (NO CD PLAYER!). As we headed out of Dallas I tell it was going to be a great trip, RC was cruising at an RPM rate, which Im sure he very rarely reached, and I was jamming to the tape deck! j/k even I don't have anymore cassettes! As I looked down, I noticed that the previous RC driver had really done me a huge favor, and returned RC with only about 1/16 of a tank of gas, so before I hit the Dallas City Limit Sign I had to stop and fill up. Now, here is where RC and I really begin to bond. As many of you know, gas stations below the south side of 635 are not among the most inviting places to stop in the DFW metroplex. So RC and I pull slowly into the closest GS, and pull up to the pump. As I step out of the car, I notice, at this particular "convenient store" that there are bars on the windows and doors, and the clerk is situated behind a partician of glass, with a little slot in which you could pay. No worries I thought all this security is probably just a way to help the customers feel more "secure" in purchasing their gasoline. After filling up RC, buying some candy, and paying the "box guy". I jumped in RC and took off towards Big B-town. After two hours, I was starting to get hungry, so I stopped at one place always stop on the trip to Beaumont, Whataburger!, not sure why, it has sort of become my own personal tradition. I head into Whataburger, and get a number 1, with cheese, and fries, with tons and tons of my favorite ketchup in the world. RC all the while is out in the parking lot taking a rest from a very tiring trip thus far. He certainly had all the hampster wheels turning as we were driving, and I could tell that the gasoline from "Jack's Grocery, Gas, and Guy in the Box" was probably not the best as far as combustion goes. After eating I jump back in the car, and proceed down the road. One note about this trip was that I was going to be cutting through Huntsville to Livingston, and then dropping down to Beaumont circa the back woods highways. What does the mean? RC was probably not going to have a very fun time.....As I slid off the interstate and turned onto the Texas state highway system, I begin to really push ole RC. Short stopping, and sharp turns was only the beginning. But, this was not the worst part...the worst part for RC was....the bugs! Man oh man were there a ton of insects flying around in the deep east Texas woods that night. It felt as though I was in a locusts plague! Poor RC by the time we reached Beaumont he was no longer that shiny white face I had grown to love, but was now a little duller in the paint, and a little less polished than he had been a few hours previously. Needless to say, I never did wash RC, and the four trip home was very similar to trip down to Beaumont. So, all this to say, Im looking forward to catching up with Dodge neon this afternoon, it should be an emotional reunion.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Once Again!
This morning, the alarm goes off and the usual "music legends" radio station comes booming forth right in my ear. (The alarm clock only gets one radio station). I have been woken out of peaceful slumber from everyone from Elvis to Dolly Parton to Frank Sinatra, its actually quite amusing at times. Anyway, the alarm clock sounds, and everything in my body says "if you get out of bed right now, I promise you I will make you regret it", so what could I do? I hit the snooze and rolled over and fell back asleep (This occurred a total of like 5 times). Finally, when the alarm goes off for the sixth time, and for some reason there was some sort of big band music playing, which I still have not figured out, I force myself to roll out of the bed. At this point my normal morning routine is going to have to be altered for the lack of extra time.
I literally run around getting ready, shaving etc...in a hectic whirlwind. All the while I notice my mind is dwelling on some very negative thoughts that had rolled over from a day or two before. As I was trying to concentrate on getting my shoes on and finding a matching pair of socks (which at times I forego in order to save a few minutes of searching), I am really focusing on analyzing what is going through my mind......
After some thought, and missing a couple of belt loops with my belt, I realize that I am really sitting and making a ton, and I mean a ton of assumptions about things going on, and from that was falling into a very large trap. If continuing on the path which I had started from the moment I woke up, it would not be long before all that thought and assumption would draw me into anxiety, pride, and an attitude of wanting to control the things affecting the issue.
So, as I rushed out the door, 10 minutes behind schedule, I stopped and prayed a little prayer, that the Lord would just take all that thought process away from me, and not let me focus on any aspect of it. Then I wrestled with the door key, ran to the truck and was on the road to work.
In my CD player was the CD I was listening to yesterday, "Kutless" Strong Tower. You see yesterday as I was driving around I was listening through the CD, which I had many, many times before, and there was a song that was really sticking with me, that I hadn't really "LISTENED TO" previously. Sure, I had heard it as I sang along, obliterating most of the chorus, but I hadn't really listened....
So this morning, I flip it to the track, and this is what I hear:
"I lift my eyes up
Unto the Mountains
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from you
Maker of Heaven
Creator of the Earth
Oh how I need you Lord
You are my only hope
You're my only prayer
So I will wait for you
To come and rescue me
Come and give me life
The title of the song is "I lift my eyes up". I went through the AH-HAH! moment. I am not giving this situation to the Lord. I am trying to take control, and save myself, and those around me. Where is my trust? Im trying to put trust in myself!! This is why Im struggling with all these worthless, useless assumptions. If I truly sit and realize, the Lord is my only hope, He is my only prayer, and He will rescue me from the situation, I find so much more peace, than when I try to save myself. He actually can see all the variables at work, and prevent, and predict them...I on the otherhand, am only making up long winded explanations that could be completely false and irrelevant. So, as I drove (letting the song repeat over, and over and over) a scripture I read yesterday came to my mind.
Jesus and the parable of the unworthy servants
"Will any one of you who has a servant plowing or keeping sheep say to him when he has come in from the field. Come at once and recline at table? Will he not rather say to him Prepare supper form me and dress properly, and serve me while I eat and drink, and afterward you will eat and drink? Does he thank the servant because he did what he was commanded? So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, 'We are unworthy servants, we have only done what is our duty.'" Luke 17:7-10
My pride is such a sneaky thing. Getting to a point where I think I can understand and resolve other people's issues is a very scary thing. This is point I realized I was getting to. Who am I to think I deserve anything more than what the Lord has given me, and who am I to sit and expect that I would be able to resolve a situation simply because it makes me feel uncomfortable. If I truly am an unworthy servant, than I must try to keep two things is mind:
1. As the song states, rely on the Lord to take care of the issues around me, and trust Him, even when I don't see, and continue to understand that he the Savior of my soul, but also the savior of my life, heart, mind, emotions, friends, and circumstances. He is faithful and there is no need to fear or doubt that he will not provide exactly what I need, when I need it.
2. As the verses state, watching closely, that I don't get to a prideful place, where I believe, that I shouldn't be in the hard spots, or difficult circumstances in life, but as an unworthy servant, I serve the Lord through the good, the bad, the tough days, and the blessed days, and am content in serving, and serving alone, without expectation of return. After all, something that is so easy to forget in the times of trials is that we deserve far worse, and only by the grace of the Lord we are allowed an opportunity to serve Him, which is the only thing that really matters.
So, as the title states, I have once again been humbled by how awesome the Lord is!
I literally run around getting ready, shaving etc...in a hectic whirlwind. All the while I notice my mind is dwelling on some very negative thoughts that had rolled over from a day or two before. As I was trying to concentrate on getting my shoes on and finding a matching pair of socks (which at times I forego in order to save a few minutes of searching), I am really focusing on analyzing what is going through my mind......
After some thought, and missing a couple of belt loops with my belt, I realize that I am really sitting and making a ton, and I mean a ton of assumptions about things going on, and from that was falling into a very large trap. If continuing on the path which I had started from the moment I woke up, it would not be long before all that thought and assumption would draw me into anxiety, pride, and an attitude of wanting to control the things affecting the issue.
So, as I rushed out the door, 10 minutes behind schedule, I stopped and prayed a little prayer, that the Lord would just take all that thought process away from me, and not let me focus on any aspect of it. Then I wrestled with the door key, ran to the truck and was on the road to work.
In my CD player was the CD I was listening to yesterday, "Kutless" Strong Tower. You see yesterday as I was driving around I was listening through the CD, which I had many, many times before, and there was a song that was really sticking with me, that I hadn't really "LISTENED TO" previously. Sure, I had heard it as I sang along, obliterating most of the chorus, but I hadn't really listened....
So this morning, I flip it to the track, and this is what I hear:
"I lift my eyes up
Unto the Mountains
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from you
Maker of Heaven
Creator of the Earth
Oh how I need you Lord
You are my only hope
You're my only prayer
So I will wait for you
To come and rescue me
Come and give me life
The title of the song is "I lift my eyes up". I went through the AH-HAH! moment. I am not giving this situation to the Lord. I am trying to take control, and save myself, and those around me. Where is my trust? Im trying to put trust in myself!! This is why Im struggling with all these worthless, useless assumptions. If I truly sit and realize, the Lord is my only hope, He is my only prayer, and He will rescue me from the situation, I find so much more peace, than when I try to save myself. He actually can see all the variables at work, and prevent, and predict them...I on the otherhand, am only making up long winded explanations that could be completely false and irrelevant. So, as I drove (letting the song repeat over, and over and over) a scripture I read yesterday came to my mind.
Jesus and the parable of the unworthy servants
"Will any one of you who has a servant plowing or keeping sheep say to him when he has come in from the field. Come at once and recline at table? Will he not rather say to him Prepare supper form me and dress properly, and serve me while I eat and drink, and afterward you will eat and drink? Does he thank the servant because he did what he was commanded? So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, 'We are unworthy servants, we have only done what is our duty.'" Luke 17:7-10
My pride is such a sneaky thing. Getting to a point where I think I can understand and resolve other people's issues is a very scary thing. This is point I realized I was getting to. Who am I to think I deserve anything more than what the Lord has given me, and who am I to sit and expect that I would be able to resolve a situation simply because it makes me feel uncomfortable. If I truly am an unworthy servant, than I must try to keep two things is mind:
1. As the song states, rely on the Lord to take care of the issues around me, and trust Him, even when I don't see, and continue to understand that he the Savior of my soul, but also the savior of my life, heart, mind, emotions, friends, and circumstances. He is faithful and there is no need to fear or doubt that he will not provide exactly what I need, when I need it.
2. As the verses state, watching closely, that I don't get to a prideful place, where I believe, that I shouldn't be in the hard spots, or difficult circumstances in life, but as an unworthy servant, I serve the Lord through the good, the bad, the tough days, and the blessed days, and am content in serving, and serving alone, without expectation of return. After all, something that is so easy to forget in the times of trials is that we deserve far worse, and only by the grace of the Lord we are allowed an opportunity to serve Him, which is the only thing that really matters.
So, as the title states, I have once again been humbled by how awesome the Lord is!
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Technical difficulties!
Alright, I was trying to change up the blog a bit, and lost all my links...I will try to have them back, and maybe even add some new ones, ASAP. Until then, I leave you with this:
" A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." John 13:34-35, Jesus
" A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." John 13:34-35, Jesus
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Ah! High School, What a fun time!
Last night, as a group of us got together for a prayer meeting and dinner, we chose to go out for some pizza. So, we walked in the door of a pretty crowded pizza place and sat down at at a small table close to the corner. As I looked over, I noticed a group of high school aged kids sitting around the table beside us, and kind or reminisced about those days that were a few years back for me. I think there were about 4 guys and a couple of girls, and who even knows what kind of conversation was going on. You had the usual occurrences: the cool guy (who didn't say to much), the leader (wearing a shirt that grabbed as much attention as possible), the tag along (the kid just happy to have made the invite), and the jock. On the girl side you had the outgoing popular girl, and her quiet friend. Now why make such a fuss about all this? Well, really its more just to think back on those fun high school days, and at the interesting decisions that we all made that, at the time seemed like a great idea..
What am I talking about? Well at this particular pizza place they have what is known as the Super Giant Pizza, this thing is 20" across....It is BIG!. So upon sitting down and casually glancing over at the high school table, I noticed the waitress brought, not one, but two of these gigantic pies. At this point just about everyone at my table looks up and notices the goings on directly beside us, and quietly we began drawing conclusions among ourselves about the amount of this greasy-carb filled circle was going to be devoured by this "21 century breakfast club". I stated, "there is no way they are going to be able to finish all those off". While a very close friend of mine was quite sure that they would. Well, after a little discussion, we went about our meal, and had an occasional break to glance over and size up the pizza meter. At times it looked good for me, and at times I wasn't so sure that they wouldn't finish. When all was said and done, we look over, and from what we could gather there were only about two pieces of pizza left of the entire set. Now, you would think that meant I was correct, but I do believe I lost on a technicality. You see, the girl, and her friend, probably being the wisest of everyone in the restaurant, decided to forego the large cheesy grease filled monster, and not eat. So, in reality if they had chosen to eat the pizza would have been gone. I was in amazement at the shear will power of the boys. I know that while eating all that pizza seemed like a great idea at the time, that more than likely they were going to face some major heart-burn later in the night! But, alas, they certainly had gained my respect. A side note, they were moving a tad slower by the end of the meal than they had at the beginning....
While thinking about all this, I started remembering some of the many, many questionable decisions I had made in high school. I am sure that at one point in time or another, there was probably some way to observant weird guy, watching something I did, and shaking his head in disbelief at what an interesting decision I had chose to make, and this made me kind of smile to myself. It also made me think about how much we are all so similar, and experience so many of the same things in our lives. But, we never truly take the time to recognize that we can learn something about ourselves by simply watching those who are going through those things we went through. Too many times we are interested in trying to help guide them, based on our previous experiences. I looked at it this way, if when I was 18, and with a group of my friends in high school, some 20-something, guy began questionning a decision I had made, I doubt it would have changed anything, I probably would have thought he had too many issues, and went on making my interesting decisions......
Scary thought, if I ever have a son, I wonder what interesting decisions he is going to make, or even more scary a daughter!!!???
BTW-I really love spell check, if it were not for this amazing instrument, you would most certainly question how I made it out of high school!
What am I talking about? Well at this particular pizza place they have what is known as the Super Giant Pizza, this thing is 20" across....It is BIG!. So upon sitting down and casually glancing over at the high school table, I noticed the waitress brought, not one, but two of these gigantic pies. At this point just about everyone at my table looks up and notices the goings on directly beside us, and quietly we began drawing conclusions among ourselves about the amount of this greasy-carb filled circle was going to be devoured by this "21 century breakfast club". I stated, "there is no way they are going to be able to finish all those off". While a very close friend of mine was quite sure that they would. Well, after a little discussion, we went about our meal, and had an occasional break to glance over and size up the pizza meter. At times it looked good for me, and at times I wasn't so sure that they wouldn't finish. When all was said and done, we look over, and from what we could gather there were only about two pieces of pizza left of the entire set. Now, you would think that meant I was correct, but I do believe I lost on a technicality. You see, the girl, and her friend, probably being the wisest of everyone in the restaurant, decided to forego the large cheesy grease filled monster, and not eat. So, in reality if they had chosen to eat the pizza would have been gone. I was in amazement at the shear will power of the boys. I know that while eating all that pizza seemed like a great idea at the time, that more than likely they were going to face some major heart-burn later in the night! But, alas, they certainly had gained my respect. A side note, they were moving a tad slower by the end of the meal than they had at the beginning....
While thinking about all this, I started remembering some of the many, many questionable decisions I had made in high school. I am sure that at one point in time or another, there was probably some way to observant weird guy, watching something I did, and shaking his head in disbelief at what an interesting decision I had chose to make, and this made me kind of smile to myself. It also made me think about how much we are all so similar, and experience so many of the same things in our lives. But, we never truly take the time to recognize that we can learn something about ourselves by simply watching those who are going through those things we went through. Too many times we are interested in trying to help guide them, based on our previous experiences. I looked at it this way, if when I was 18, and with a group of my friends in high school, some 20-something, guy began questionning a decision I had made, I doubt it would have changed anything, I probably would have thought he had too many issues, and went on making my interesting decisions......
Scary thought, if I ever have a son, I wonder what interesting decisions he is going to make, or even more scary a daughter!!!???
BTW-I really love spell check, if it were not for this amazing instrument, you would most certainly question how I made it out of high school!
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Im Tired
Just a quick note, sorry I havn't written in a while. Life is moving really fast right now. I am emotionally, spiritually, and physically drained. I think it is time for me to rest. Hopefully I will. Thank you all for your prayers, concerns, and encouragement. I recieved more news tonight, and it looks as though Jacob is going to be another 3-4 weeks in the hospital. Please, please keep the prayers coming for him. The Lord is working through all this, I can see it so many ways. Your support means so much to my family. I truly wish I had some encoouragement for everyone out there, but right now it would only be an attempt. I will say this, I love you all. I thank each of you for your love for me. Stay strong brothers and sisters, one day we will all be together in glory, and oh how marvelous a day that will be. For now lets keep on planting those seeds of good fruit each day, each hour, each minute. Who knows who will see your light today? Shine on!
Friday, July 28, 2006
What a week
It is 12:24 am on Saturday, and I am sitting in a hotel room in the middle of East Texas, up and blogging when I should be sleeping. As many of you know, and to those that don't my little (6'5" 225lb) brother got in a serious car accident last Saturday. Since then, there have been many emotional highs and lows. Currently it looks as though things are very positive, but at the same time he will be in ICU until at least the end of the weekend. This week has been a blur of activity and emotion, as we wait for Jake to get stable enough to move to a room. Right now I am a tad tired, and spiritually at a lower point than usual. I am in a tired state, and from that those everyday trials seem to be gaining strength and size day by day. I feel incredibly blessed at the amazing miracles the Lord has already blessed my family with through the situation, and am still in great anticipation of all that could come out of such a tragic event. There has been an outpouring of love all around my brother for a stream of almost seven straight days, and it does my heart so much good to see Christ touching my family through those who love Him.
I have never been through anything as serious as this before, and from it I have tried to observe as much as I could, and learn as much as I could. One thing that has struck me is the intense pain and agony I felt last Sunday at the thought of the intense pain (physically, emotinally, and spiritually) that my brother had endured through the night. Without going into details, I will say that it was probably a life changing experience. As I sat and heard him describe the accident, the lonely hours afterwards, and the moments leading to the surgery, I just sat heart broken at the trial he had to face that night. As I sat reflecting over his experience the Lord really helped me find peace about it all, and since then I have been rather optimistic of all the many things the Lord could do through all of this.
On the other side of the equation I have had a very interesting week spiritually. I feel that my fatigue and emotional state are certainly amplifying many usually minor trials that I face on a pretty regular basis. Right now, patience and anger are two that I am battling much more than usual. Its not that I feel angry or impatient with the Lord, it is just that everyday situations are becoming somewhat more of an issue than usual: one example would be traffic on the drive down this afternoon. I guess not sleeping enough, not eating well, and not getting enough quiet time are all part of the equation, but I also feel like this is a way for me to truly work on some areas that are otherwise ignored when there is less stress involved. Patience is not something which I claim to have a whole whole lot of, although since really starting to walk with the Lord I have made vast improvements, and at this point I find that I am really in a place to focus on the times when I am being impatient and learn to wait and navigate through the circumstance before just reacting.
I am ready to see my brother tomorrow, ( I havnt seen him since Tuesday), and really hope that he is less medicated this weekend in order to be able to encourage him. He is making great progress in his healing, and I have decided that his new nickname will be Superman. (I even tried to convince him to get a S tatooed on his chest). One thing about it, I love the big lug. He is one of a kind, and he has a great heart. If he ever reads this part he will probably punch me or something like that, but hey, its worth it. I hope everyone has a great weekend, and please keep ole jake in your prayers......
I have never been through anything as serious as this before, and from it I have tried to observe as much as I could, and learn as much as I could. One thing that has struck me is the intense pain and agony I felt last Sunday at the thought of the intense pain (physically, emotinally, and spiritually) that my brother had endured through the night. Without going into details, I will say that it was probably a life changing experience. As I sat and heard him describe the accident, the lonely hours afterwards, and the moments leading to the surgery, I just sat heart broken at the trial he had to face that night. As I sat reflecting over his experience the Lord really helped me find peace about it all, and since then I have been rather optimistic of all the many things the Lord could do through all of this.
On the other side of the equation I have had a very interesting week spiritually. I feel that my fatigue and emotional state are certainly amplifying many usually minor trials that I face on a pretty regular basis. Right now, patience and anger are two that I am battling much more than usual. Its not that I feel angry or impatient with the Lord, it is just that everyday situations are becoming somewhat more of an issue than usual: one example would be traffic on the drive down this afternoon. I guess not sleeping enough, not eating well, and not getting enough quiet time are all part of the equation, but I also feel like this is a way for me to truly work on some areas that are otherwise ignored when there is less stress involved. Patience is not something which I claim to have a whole whole lot of, although since really starting to walk with the Lord I have made vast improvements, and at this point I find that I am really in a place to focus on the times when I am being impatient and learn to wait and navigate through the circumstance before just reacting.
I am ready to see my brother tomorrow, ( I havnt seen him since Tuesday), and really hope that he is less medicated this weekend in order to be able to encourage him. He is making great progress in his healing, and I have decided that his new nickname will be Superman. (I even tried to convince him to get a S tatooed on his chest). One thing about it, I love the big lug. He is one of a kind, and he has a great heart. If he ever reads this part he will probably punch me or something like that, but hey, its worth it. I hope everyone has a great weekend, and please keep ole jake in your prayers......
Friday, July 21, 2006
To the ladies out there
As I sat in Subway today, I noticed a pair of girls sitting in the booth next to me. One thing struck me about them, they were seeking belonging and acceptance,....pure and simple. Both looked to be in their late teens, early twenties, and by the way they were dressed, I could see that their idea of how they would acquire this acceptance was one that the world was telling them was correct. Now my heart really hurts for them, as for all women, that are growing in an age where looks, beauty, clothing, and all out appearance is the indicator for self-worth, self-esteem, and belonging. I hate it! Oh and guys, guess what?, most of this problem has occurred, not because of the female aspect of society, but because of, you guessed it...us! Now before you quit reading with the idea that this is some sort of judgmental soapbox rant on my part, give me a few more lines to explain what I am feeling.
Ladies, let me try to clarify something here. Your worth has never been, and will never be based on the way you look, dress, or appear to people in this world (whether in attracting men, or gaining the praise of women). This is what I hope is understood through this blog. YOU ARE SPECIAL, JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. You were created perfectly by our Father above, and there is none like you on this Earth. There is no need to try to amplify your beauty through clothes, make-up, or anything else. Your beauty will radiate from within you, if you simply allow it to.
1 Peter States: "Do not let your adorning be external-the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing-but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 1 Peter 3:3-4
and
Proverbs 31:30 says, " Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised"
You see, beauty is inside you from your faith in the Lord, and you know what? He created you in a way in which only you can show your faith to Him in that way. Each Christian belongs to the Body of Christ, and each piece of the body is beautifully and wonderfully made. Each piece serves a beautiful and unique purpose that only that one piece can fill. You are accepted, and belong to His Body, and the beauty that shows from you is the beauty that is seen when you are worshipping him as that part of the body for which you were created. Loving Him and following Him lets this inward beauty poor out to others all around. They see the beauty of your light shining before men, and give glory to your Lord. How awesome and beautiful is that!
I don't begin to sit in a place where I feel like I can understand the emotion and pressure you feel each day, but I do say this: You are loved by the Lord and by all your brothers and sisters for just that, being a brother and sister. There is no need to feel like you must do anything other than love Him and the others around you, for everyone to see how awesomely beautiful, unique, and wonderful you are.
1 Corinthians 12:14-26
You are Special!
Ladies, let me try to clarify something here. Your worth has never been, and will never be based on the way you look, dress, or appear to people in this world (whether in attracting men, or gaining the praise of women). This is what I hope is understood through this blog. YOU ARE SPECIAL, JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. You were created perfectly by our Father above, and there is none like you on this Earth. There is no need to try to amplify your beauty through clothes, make-up, or anything else. Your beauty will radiate from within you, if you simply allow it to.
1 Peter States: "Do not let your adorning be external-the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing-but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 1 Peter 3:3-4
and
Proverbs 31:30 says, " Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised"
You see, beauty is inside you from your faith in the Lord, and you know what? He created you in a way in which only you can show your faith to Him in that way. Each Christian belongs to the Body of Christ, and each piece of the body is beautifully and wonderfully made. Each piece serves a beautiful and unique purpose that only that one piece can fill. You are accepted, and belong to His Body, and the beauty that shows from you is the beauty that is seen when you are worshipping him as that part of the body for which you were created. Loving Him and following Him lets this inward beauty poor out to others all around. They see the beauty of your light shining before men, and give glory to your Lord. How awesome and beautiful is that!
I don't begin to sit in a place where I feel like I can understand the emotion and pressure you feel each day, but I do say this: You are loved by the Lord and by all your brothers and sisters for just that, being a brother and sister. There is no need to feel like you must do anything other than love Him and the others around you, for everyone to see how awesomely beautiful, unique, and wonderful you are.
1 Corinthians 12:14-26
You are Special!
Friday, July 14, 2006
Running on little sleep is interesting
This week has been one in which I have not hit the pillow before 1:00 am every morning. For some reason circumstances are just dictating that sleep is not a priority this week. This is not necessarily a bad thing, other than I feel that keeping a clear head is at times a tad more difficult.
Test and trials can come in all shapes and sizes, fatigue is certainly one which can test me, along with hunger, and loneliness. Its funny how after a few days of limited sleep, that small problems can suddenly seem much bigger than they actually are. When I take a moment and step back to look at the situation, I usually find that my first instinct to overreact was driven by a stimulus such as being tired (although that sounds somewhat ironic). Focus seems to fade in and out a little quicker, and my mind wants to start wondering around those anxiety driven thoughts and feelings. As always I grit my teeth, and fight my flesh. In reality it really is an actual fight sometimes, Paul says in 1 Corinthians that, "I discipline my body and keep it under control" 10:17 . As my walk goes on, I think about the battle in this way:
It's me battling myself. My natural flesh wants to do evil right? My soul is wanting with all I have to serve God righteously. Thus, internally at any one time one of these two Josh's is trying to win control of what comes from my thoughts and actions. Sometimes the righteousness is winning, and sometimes the flesh is winning. But the amazing thing is that through the Word, Prayer, and Community with other believers, there is training going on for the righteous side of me. Whereas, when I choose to sin, and make decisions based on the World or my flesh, I am in effect training my flesh. The battle will always be going on while I am on this Earth, but I have a choice as to which side I want to train, strengthen and build up. Making the wrong choice in this area can bring a lot of pain, and darkness. Making the right choice can bring a lot of joy, peace, and contentment.
The bottom line is that when I am tired, although one side has hopefully been built up more than the other, I must rely all the more on the Lord to help me battle. Just like an army troop that have been fighting day in and day out, the weariness can begin to take a toll on the battle. So I try to cling all the tighter to Him in the moments where I know I am weakening, and tiring.
One thing is for sure, one of the biggest blessings in my life was getting to a point where I even realized that there was a battle raging inside me each day. From there the ability to fight and push forward begins to take on a whole new meaning....
Test and trials can come in all shapes and sizes, fatigue is certainly one which can test me, along with hunger, and loneliness. Its funny how after a few days of limited sleep, that small problems can suddenly seem much bigger than they actually are. When I take a moment and step back to look at the situation, I usually find that my first instinct to overreact was driven by a stimulus such as being tired (although that sounds somewhat ironic). Focus seems to fade in and out a little quicker, and my mind wants to start wondering around those anxiety driven thoughts and feelings. As always I grit my teeth, and fight my flesh. In reality it really is an actual fight sometimes, Paul says in 1 Corinthians that, "I discipline my body and keep it under control" 10:17 . As my walk goes on, I think about the battle in this way:
It's me battling myself. My natural flesh wants to do evil right? My soul is wanting with all I have to serve God righteously. Thus, internally at any one time one of these two Josh's is trying to win control of what comes from my thoughts and actions. Sometimes the righteousness is winning, and sometimes the flesh is winning. But the amazing thing is that through the Word, Prayer, and Community with other believers, there is training going on for the righteous side of me. Whereas, when I choose to sin, and make decisions based on the World or my flesh, I am in effect training my flesh. The battle will always be going on while I am on this Earth, but I have a choice as to which side I want to train, strengthen and build up. Making the wrong choice in this area can bring a lot of pain, and darkness. Making the right choice can bring a lot of joy, peace, and contentment.
The bottom line is that when I am tired, although one side has hopefully been built up more than the other, I must rely all the more on the Lord to help me battle. Just like an army troop that have been fighting day in and day out, the weariness can begin to take a toll on the battle. So I try to cling all the tighter to Him in the moments where I know I am weakening, and tiring.
One thing is for sure, one of the biggest blessings in my life was getting to a point where I even realized that there was a battle raging inside me each day. From there the ability to fight and push forward begins to take on a whole new meaning....
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Don't Really Know What to Say.
I realized that I haven't blogged in almost a week, so thought I would try to get something down. I don't really have anything to say right now so this may not be the best post in the world. Its been a very emotional week, and that may be why at this moment Im really without words.
One thing I can say is that the Lord continues to show me his faithfulness. I sit and realize that every new trial is another chance for me to grow in some way that is not expected or necessarily understood. Earlier today I thought about the apostles, and how they were so glad to suffer for the sake of Christ, to be deemed worthy to endure such persecution and pain to glorify the Lord. As I thought of this I realized that they were happy and joyful because they understood that the Lord allowed the persecution to happen to them, because He knew that they were strong enough in Him to handle it. How awesome of a thought, that the Lord knew them so well, and gave them the opportunity to suffer in ways that others never will for Him, because He knew they would endure and glorify Him. So they counted it a blessing to experience pain in the fact that they knew the Lord knew they would be able to handle the pain and suffering and still contribute all praise to Him. I know this is a tad repetitive, my mind is not functioning on all 4 cylinders right now.
Continue to be strong fellow brothers and sisters, as Romans states
"For I consider the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." 8: 18
Lets continue to sing His praises when it hurts, Lets continue to bow our heads in thankfulness when we are without, Lets keep stepping towards His light in the darkness, and Lets always hold fast to the one constant above all....Christ.
We are in a race, lets run with all we have towards the prize, so that when we look back on this "minor suffering" of a worldly state, we can stand up and praise the Lord for all He accomplished through us as broken vessels that are unworthy to hold the Love that overflows from us.....
"...forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on towards the goal for the PRIZE, of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 13-14
One thing I can say is that the Lord continues to show me his faithfulness. I sit and realize that every new trial is another chance for me to grow in some way that is not expected or necessarily understood. Earlier today I thought about the apostles, and how they were so glad to suffer for the sake of Christ, to be deemed worthy to endure such persecution and pain to glorify the Lord. As I thought of this I realized that they were happy and joyful because they understood that the Lord allowed the persecution to happen to them, because He knew that they were strong enough in Him to handle it. How awesome of a thought, that the Lord knew them so well, and gave them the opportunity to suffer in ways that others never will for Him, because He knew they would endure and glorify Him. So they counted it a blessing to experience pain in the fact that they knew the Lord knew they would be able to handle the pain and suffering and still contribute all praise to Him. I know this is a tad repetitive, my mind is not functioning on all 4 cylinders right now.
Continue to be strong fellow brothers and sisters, as Romans states
"For I consider the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." 8: 18
Lets continue to sing His praises when it hurts, Lets continue to bow our heads in thankfulness when we are without, Lets keep stepping towards His light in the darkness, and Lets always hold fast to the one constant above all....Christ.
We are in a race, lets run with all we have towards the prize, so that when we look back on this "minor suffering" of a worldly state, we can stand up and praise the Lord for all He accomplished through us as broken vessels that are unworthy to hold the Love that overflows from us.....
"...forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on towards the goal for the PRIZE, of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 13-14
Friday, July 07, 2006
My Generation
As I write this, I am sitting at my Nene and Pappaw's computer in Beaumont Texas on Friday Afternoon. I had a long drive home last night, and from it came plenty of time to think and reflect.
On my mind is the subject of gen. xer's and gen. yer's (My Generation) and our complete complacency at times to anything outside ourselves. My heart has been burdened as of late for the 20 something crowd and the intense hurt, and pain I see all around me. We are a generation that came long after man set foot on the moon, but had been around a few years before the startling world changing movement of the internet. We have seen communism fall, (although many of us were pre-teens when the wall came down), and have been through two different wars in the Middle East. We have more opportunity to explore, innovate, and communicate than any generation before us, and have more luxuries, and amenities than some kings of the world's past. The world is our oyster, and we have the tools to find the pearl. Yet, with all this opportunity, and with all this freedom, at the core of us we are hurting, angry, bitter, and confused. The many promises of happiness we have been told we would find have been shattered along the paths of growing up. Most of us have never experienced nuclear families, have never known a world where it was expected to actually know, and be friends with your neighbors, or have known life without the ever present medium of television. Here we are, all grown up, a quarter of the way through our lives, and yet are just as misguided, and child like as we were a decade before.
My thoughts form around a statistic that I heard last week, in our generation we can boast that less than 20% of us our Bible based Christians. Surely this has something to do with the struggles that seem to be a common thread among us in this nation.
Inside my heart I think of the response that is sometimes given when the idea of Christ is presented.....
" Ive got it all figured out, Ive been to church, and I did the salvation thing with I was a kid. I don't need to open that Bible anymore, I don't need to bow my head and pray anymore. I have been there, done that, and my life is not what was promised to me when I made that decision! I did not find peace and happiness then, and I still don't have it now"
"Im grown, I make my own decisions, I choose my own path, and I am making it, Im on my way to happiness, Im on my way to peace, and there is nothing, nothing that is going to stop me. I can only rely on me, and I am the only one who wont let me down."
"My parents divorced when I was a kid, my first love left me heart broken, My friends want to help, but are too caught up in there own vices. I have struggled with OCD, Anxiety, Depression, and Anorexia, and still have to battle them daily. I don't have true peace, and I have come to the realization that I will never have it. I can only make another step each day to reach the idolized dream of American success, with a hope in myself that one day when I have struggled enough, all the pieces of the puzzle will come together and I will at last be happy!"
"So, as for serving Christ, that is fine if that is what you want to do, I hope it goes well for you, but don't ask me to serve him, because I already know that it is not the answer for me, and I already know that I am really on the right path, after all Im a good person, I don't steal, I don't lie (much), hey I even gave some money to a homeless guy the other day. I know what I need to make it, and as long as Im "normal" why would I begin seeking after someone who Im not even able to physically see? I prayed the prayer, I did that thing, Im good, and now Im living my life the best that I know how, and things are not easy. If God really cared about me,then I would have everything I ever wanted, and wouldn't hurt so much on the inside. I don't believe he can take it away, I don't believe anyone can. I just have to deal with it as best I can and one day its all going to go away"
Sound Familiar!
Yea, I think in some way or another we can all relate to this way of thinking. To those of you out there who have been walking close to the Lord, this may seem like a distant memory from the past, but I think underneath it all some of this tormented thinking may sound familiar.
So what then? What do we do with "My Generation"? Well, I pray that for one, we begin to pray for it. Two, I know that the Lord is literally hurting to death over our pain, and is wanting so much for us to choose Him. He knows our suffering better than we do, He has experienced everything and more. What do we do then? Those of us in that place where we can say we have peace, and overcome the world, what do we do? Do we sit back and absorb this peace, and do nothing? Sometimes I think that we get so involved and engrossed in the peace that we now experience that in reality, we do nothing more times than not. I myself am severely guilty of this.
I thought on the drive home last night, about the agony my life was in before I met Christ and began walking close to him. I began to try to go back and feel the utter chaos that was once so familiar. I remembered the many days of internal confusion in which I was sure there was no hope for freedom, there was no hope for peace, and I began to see that this is the place where so many of us are today.
We have been deceived into thinking "IT IS ALL ABOUT ME" to the extent that the idea of God is actually secondary. We have a difficult time giving it all to Him because we don't really believe He is bigger or more important than us.
Why is it that we can go through our lives living in such deception? Because.......in the world around us, we have so many things to take His place. In the moments of the most intense hurt, we can drown Him out with TV, alcohol, the opposite sex, internet, video games, text messaging, traveling, ANYTHING! Instead of turning to Him, we turn on the music, we turn on the movies, we open the next pop up window. For a very short moment our thoughts drift from the immediate hurt that we don't want to face, and for a very short moment we are deceived into thinking we have acquired the long awaited freedom that we have searched so hard for. Alas, this is but for a moment, and then, chaos begins once again.
So what is the bottom line? What does this whole blog mean? What am I trying to say? and Most importantly what is the solution?
One word
Christ.
For 23 years I thought I knew Him.......For 23 years I thought I had him "all figured out", but what I have felt, seen, and been given over the past two years is an actual relationship with Him. I have found that I love Him more than any person on this Earth, I love Him more than anything,.........BUT THIS IS THE CRUX.... I LOVE HIM MORE THAN I LOVE MYSELF!(Sometihing I had no idea I was guilty of for such a long time) For 23 years I didn't really know Jesus, but fooled myself into thinking that I did. Only when I got to the point where the hurt, the pain ,and agony where more than I believed I could handle, did I finally, finally give it to HIM. Let it go, gave my life away, and let Him be the most important Thing, even above myself. I realized I couldn't control everything, and for that matter, anything. I was not in control, and I was not ever in control.
On top of that, I found that He loved me in a way that I had never known existed. There was absolute, and complete acceptance, and mercy and GRACE, OH THE GRACE!!!! He loved me for me, he loved everything about me, he loved me without any expectation for me to love Him back. What a love. So secure, so accepting, so unconditional.Something I had wanted for so long. When I let Him have my life, I couldn't help but try to give him as much as I could back. Suddenly, I just wanted to thank Him for giving me peace, to thank Him for giving me life more abundantly. FOR KNOWING THAT HE UNDERSTOOD ME! OH HOW I LONGED TO BE UNDERSTOOD! I began to realize that my life is for Him, for His glory,...... and all these issues that I was hurting and struggling with started to take on a new perspective,......I finally realized that there isn't anything wrong with me, I was created this way by Him, for a special purpose which only I can fulfill FOR HIM! ALL I have to do is be willing to let go of ME!!!
I know this is a bit long, and probably even somewhat confusing, but it is really on my heart right now. Our lives were not created for us! If we can just understand that, absorb that into everything we do, then we find the peace, and joy that we long for. Why is this? Because we are doing the one thing we were created for,..... to glorify the LORD! NOT OURSELVES!!!! Its all about Him, from the minutest detail to the most complicated problem, Him, Him, Him! When I found that perspective, my life changed forever!
On my mind is the subject of gen. xer's and gen. yer's (My Generation) and our complete complacency at times to anything outside ourselves. My heart has been burdened as of late for the 20 something crowd and the intense hurt, and pain I see all around me. We are a generation that came long after man set foot on the moon, but had been around a few years before the startling world changing movement of the internet. We have seen communism fall, (although many of us were pre-teens when the wall came down), and have been through two different wars in the Middle East. We have more opportunity to explore, innovate, and communicate than any generation before us, and have more luxuries, and amenities than some kings of the world's past. The world is our oyster, and we have the tools to find the pearl. Yet, with all this opportunity, and with all this freedom, at the core of us we are hurting, angry, bitter, and confused. The many promises of happiness we have been told we would find have been shattered along the paths of growing up. Most of us have never experienced nuclear families, have never known a world where it was expected to actually know, and be friends with your neighbors, or have known life without the ever present medium of television. Here we are, all grown up, a quarter of the way through our lives, and yet are just as misguided, and child like as we were a decade before.
My thoughts form around a statistic that I heard last week, in our generation we can boast that less than 20% of us our Bible based Christians. Surely this has something to do with the struggles that seem to be a common thread among us in this nation.
Inside my heart I think of the response that is sometimes given when the idea of Christ is presented.....
" Ive got it all figured out, Ive been to church, and I did the salvation thing with I was a kid. I don't need to open that Bible anymore, I don't need to bow my head and pray anymore. I have been there, done that, and my life is not what was promised to me when I made that decision! I did not find peace and happiness then, and I still don't have it now"
"Im grown, I make my own decisions, I choose my own path, and I am making it, Im on my way to happiness, Im on my way to peace, and there is nothing, nothing that is going to stop me. I can only rely on me, and I am the only one who wont let me down."
"My parents divorced when I was a kid, my first love left me heart broken, My friends want to help, but are too caught up in there own vices. I have struggled with OCD, Anxiety, Depression, and Anorexia, and still have to battle them daily. I don't have true peace, and I have come to the realization that I will never have it. I can only make another step each day to reach the idolized dream of American success, with a hope in myself that one day when I have struggled enough, all the pieces of the puzzle will come together and I will at last be happy!"
"So, as for serving Christ, that is fine if that is what you want to do, I hope it goes well for you, but don't ask me to serve him, because I already know that it is not the answer for me, and I already know that I am really on the right path, after all Im a good person, I don't steal, I don't lie (much), hey I even gave some money to a homeless guy the other day. I know what I need to make it, and as long as Im "normal" why would I begin seeking after someone who Im not even able to physically see? I prayed the prayer, I did that thing, Im good, and now Im living my life the best that I know how, and things are not easy. If God really cared about me,then I would have everything I ever wanted, and wouldn't hurt so much on the inside. I don't believe he can take it away, I don't believe anyone can. I just have to deal with it as best I can and one day its all going to go away"
Sound Familiar!
Yea, I think in some way or another we can all relate to this way of thinking. To those of you out there who have been walking close to the Lord, this may seem like a distant memory from the past, but I think underneath it all some of this tormented thinking may sound familiar.
So what then? What do we do with "My Generation"? Well, I pray that for one, we begin to pray for it. Two, I know that the Lord is literally hurting to death over our pain, and is wanting so much for us to choose Him. He knows our suffering better than we do, He has experienced everything and more. What do we do then? Those of us in that place where we can say we have peace, and overcome the world, what do we do? Do we sit back and absorb this peace, and do nothing? Sometimes I think that we get so involved and engrossed in the peace that we now experience that in reality, we do nothing more times than not. I myself am severely guilty of this.
I thought on the drive home last night, about the agony my life was in before I met Christ and began walking close to him. I began to try to go back and feel the utter chaos that was once so familiar. I remembered the many days of internal confusion in which I was sure there was no hope for freedom, there was no hope for peace, and I began to see that this is the place where so many of us are today.
We have been deceived into thinking "IT IS ALL ABOUT ME" to the extent that the idea of God is actually secondary. We have a difficult time giving it all to Him because we don't really believe He is bigger or more important than us.
Why is it that we can go through our lives living in such deception? Because.......in the world around us, we have so many things to take His place. In the moments of the most intense hurt, we can drown Him out with TV, alcohol, the opposite sex, internet, video games, text messaging, traveling, ANYTHING! Instead of turning to Him, we turn on the music, we turn on the movies, we open the next pop up window. For a very short moment our thoughts drift from the immediate hurt that we don't want to face, and for a very short moment we are deceived into thinking we have acquired the long awaited freedom that we have searched so hard for. Alas, this is but for a moment, and then, chaos begins once again.
So what is the bottom line? What does this whole blog mean? What am I trying to say? and Most importantly what is the solution?
One word
Christ.
For 23 years I thought I knew Him.......For 23 years I thought I had him "all figured out", but what I have felt, seen, and been given over the past two years is an actual relationship with Him. I have found that I love Him more than any person on this Earth, I love Him more than anything,.........BUT THIS IS THE CRUX.... I LOVE HIM MORE THAN I LOVE MYSELF!(Sometihing I had no idea I was guilty of for such a long time) For 23 years I didn't really know Jesus, but fooled myself into thinking that I did. Only when I got to the point where the hurt, the pain ,and agony where more than I believed I could handle, did I finally, finally give it to HIM. Let it go, gave my life away, and let Him be the most important Thing, even above myself. I realized I couldn't control everything, and for that matter, anything. I was not in control, and I was not ever in control.
On top of that, I found that He loved me in a way that I had never known existed. There was absolute, and complete acceptance, and mercy and GRACE, OH THE GRACE!!!! He loved me for me, he loved everything about me, he loved me without any expectation for me to love Him back. What a love. So secure, so accepting, so unconditional.Something I had wanted for so long. When I let Him have my life, I couldn't help but try to give him as much as I could back. Suddenly, I just wanted to thank Him for giving me peace, to thank Him for giving me life more abundantly. FOR KNOWING THAT HE UNDERSTOOD ME! OH HOW I LONGED TO BE UNDERSTOOD! I began to realize that my life is for Him, for His glory,...... and all these issues that I was hurting and struggling with started to take on a new perspective,......I finally realized that there isn't anything wrong with me, I was created this way by Him, for a special purpose which only I can fulfill FOR HIM! ALL I have to do is be willing to let go of ME!!!
I know this is a bit long, and probably even somewhat confusing, but it is really on my heart right now. Our lives were not created for us! If we can just understand that, absorb that into everything we do, then we find the peace, and joy that we long for. Why is this? Because we are doing the one thing we were created for,..... to glorify the LORD! NOT OURSELVES!!!! Its all about Him, from the minutest detail to the most complicated problem, Him, Him, Him! When I found that perspective, my life changed forever!
Friday, June 30, 2006
Random Pictures
I have had a few friends e-mail some random pics over the past couple of days, so figure Id post a few:
First,
Last weekend, at Dallas One, and Jars of Clay Concert:
David, Me, Stacy, and Bradford After a long day of work....Funny, I don't see to be too tired.....hummmmm....I did work, I promise!
Okay, This takes longer than I thought, I guess that is all for now, this takes a ton of space to upload pictures....Hope everyone has a great weekend, and stay tuned for pictures from Celebrate Freedom!
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Why is it......
That when we ask the Lord for something, and get it, there are times when we turn right back around and whine about it to Him.
This has hit me on two levels over the last few days, and the Lord has really used them in tandem to get me to see how ungrateful I can be to Him.
First, in reading Exodus 14 the other morning, I read about Israel escaping out of Egypt on the way to the promised land. After years of prayer, and asking the Lord to free them from slavery to the Egyptians, they are finally on their way out.
At this time, the Egyptians had decided that they wanted the Israelites back, and were in pursuit of them heading towards the Red Sea. The place the Lord has hit me in the heart is here, it is the point at which Israel, aware of the impending Egyptians, cry out to the Lord, look up to Moses, and say, " Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness?, What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt?, Is this not what we said to you in Egypt, 'Leave us alone so that we may serve the Egyptians'? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness." Exodus 14:11-12
What? Is that?
They had just been crying out to the Lord to free them from the Egyptians for years and years and years....Now, all of a sudden they are given an answered prayer (ie they are free from Egypt, and what now, they tell the lord and Moses, hey, we liked it under the Egyptians, why is it that you have brought us out here where it is uncomfortable to die?) (okay this a paraphrase) But, the point is this, They cry to Lord, please do this for me, the Lord does it, although maybe not in the way they had planned in their minds, at the same time, the Lord is using them to bring glory to himself through the Egyptians, and now in the middle of it all, Israel wants to go back to that place they previously despised, and cried to the Lord about it. Now, not to be hard on the Israelites, because as I thought about this this morning, I found out I am at this very moment doing the VERY SAME THING!
Last night, I prayed that the Lord would show me some things; in my prayers, I had an expectation of how these revelations of my heart would make me "feel". Well, sure enough, this morning I wake up, and I am facing the things I prayed about, literally like a mirror, I am seeing inside my heart. And bottom line, is that it hurts....its hurts alot! So, what do I do!? I turn right around and pray for God to take it away, and put me back in a place of previous comfort, of not looking at it! or as I have been asking him for "a place of peace". WHAT!? I just read about this two days, ago, and here I am , doing the same thing. I knew when I prayed that it was not going to be easy, I knew when I prayed that it would hurt, but not even one hour into the mourning, and pain, am I calling on him to relieve me of it, how ungrateful is that? Instead of praising Him for answering the prayer I wanted Him to answer, I immediately ask Him to send me back to the place I was before, where I was comfortable, and content! So, as I pouted around all morning, the Lord kept brining Israel back to my mind, and reminding me that He hears these kinds of things all the time from me. Some of it, is a lack of remembering, exactly what it is was I prayed for, and therefore, forgetting that the Lord may be working on one of the very requests I had asked him, and part of it is that I am not being thankful for the amazing learning, and growth that will come through the prayer that he answered. So, I guess this blog was more a way for me to get all this out, than anything else, and hopefully help me bring it to my heart. Thanks you all for listening.
This has hit me on two levels over the last few days, and the Lord has really used them in tandem to get me to see how ungrateful I can be to Him.
First, in reading Exodus 14 the other morning, I read about Israel escaping out of Egypt on the way to the promised land. After years of prayer, and asking the Lord to free them from slavery to the Egyptians, they are finally on their way out.
At this time, the Egyptians had decided that they wanted the Israelites back, and were in pursuit of them heading towards the Red Sea. The place the Lord has hit me in the heart is here, it is the point at which Israel, aware of the impending Egyptians, cry out to the Lord, look up to Moses, and say, " Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness?, What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt?, Is this not what we said to you in Egypt, 'Leave us alone so that we may serve the Egyptians'? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness." Exodus 14:11-12
What? Is that?
They had just been crying out to the Lord to free them from the Egyptians for years and years and years....Now, all of a sudden they are given an answered prayer (ie they are free from Egypt, and what now, they tell the lord and Moses, hey, we liked it under the Egyptians, why is it that you have brought us out here where it is uncomfortable to die?) (okay this a paraphrase) But, the point is this, They cry to Lord, please do this for me, the Lord does it, although maybe not in the way they had planned in their minds, at the same time, the Lord is using them to bring glory to himself through the Egyptians, and now in the middle of it all, Israel wants to go back to that place they previously despised, and cried to the Lord about it. Now, not to be hard on the Israelites, because as I thought about this this morning, I found out I am at this very moment doing the VERY SAME THING!
Last night, I prayed that the Lord would show me some things; in my prayers, I had an expectation of how these revelations of my heart would make me "feel". Well, sure enough, this morning I wake up, and I am facing the things I prayed about, literally like a mirror, I am seeing inside my heart. And bottom line, is that it hurts....its hurts alot! So, what do I do!? I turn right around and pray for God to take it away, and put me back in a place of previous comfort, of not looking at it! or as I have been asking him for "a place of peace". WHAT!? I just read about this two days, ago, and here I am , doing the same thing. I knew when I prayed that it was not going to be easy, I knew when I prayed that it would hurt, but not even one hour into the mourning, and pain, am I calling on him to relieve me of it, how ungrateful is that? Instead of praising Him for answering the prayer I wanted Him to answer, I immediately ask Him to send me back to the place I was before, where I was comfortable, and content! So, as I pouted around all morning, the Lord kept brining Israel back to my mind, and reminding me that He hears these kinds of things all the time from me. Some of it, is a lack of remembering, exactly what it is was I prayed for, and therefore, forgetting that the Lord may be working on one of the very requests I had asked him, and part of it is that I am not being thankful for the amazing learning, and growth that will come through the prayer that he answered. So, I guess this blog was more a way for me to get all this out, than anything else, and hopefully help me bring it to my heart. Thanks you all for listening.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
I am addicted to candy
I have now eaten today:
1 package of M&M's
4 small York Peppermint Patties
1 small Butterfinger
I ask myself why? The conclusion: because we have a candy box sitting in the kitchen, and whenever I go get some water, I have to grab some candy.
There has been some good come from all this though, I am reminded every time I eat a piece of candy that I need to go get my cavity filled at the dentist.
Hopefully the pain will get so bad that I will actually pick up the phone and schedule the appointment, but for now I am going to enjoy another butterfinger.
FYI-Don't ever eat honey if you have a cavity.
1 package of M&M's
4 small York Peppermint Patties
1 small Butterfinger
I ask myself why? The conclusion: because we have a candy box sitting in the kitchen, and whenever I go get some water, I have to grab some candy.
There has been some good come from all this though, I am reminded every time I eat a piece of candy that I need to go get my cavity filled at the dentist.
Hopefully the pain will get so bad that I will actually pick up the phone and schedule the appointment, but for now I am going to enjoy another butterfinger.
FYI-Don't ever eat honey if you have a cavity.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Just a Note or Two
First thing is first, I am changing my e-mail address! For all of those who currently e-mail me (that would be the one or two of you out there) please change my address from the current joshualeesmith@sbcglobal.net to the new and improved (also FREE)
smith.joshualee@yahoo.com
I have e-mailed my address book with this change, but if for some reason I missed you, please take note, AFTER JULY SBC will no longer be active! (This is due, to me being tired of paying the bill on DSL!)
Okay on to the blog today!
So, now that my six month grace period for school loans is up, I am facing my first payment in July. As I stare at the due date, I realize that it is certainly time to start trying to budget a little better.
My first attempt at this new "budgeting experience" is to cut down on my infamous eating out. For some reason this has turned into quite the expensive habit! So upon generating ideas from friends, I have come to the conclusion that I should go buy some groceries! Well, I finally turned my truck into the Wal-Mart parking lot on Sunday, with the expectation of saving some major cash. As I walked down the isles I determined that I needed to buy easy, quick and cheap items in order to save time and money! So my first thoughts turned to Eggs, and Tuna Fish! (Not together of course, eggs for breakfast, Tuna for lunch). I walk up to the tuna isle and proceed to stack 16 cans of that wonderful processed fish product into my basket. Feeling quite content that I had enough protein to feed a small army, and only having spent about $10.00 I headed to buy bread....Two loaves of the generic wheat for under a buck a piece will do. Then onto the eggs, by this point I was sure that I had this shopping thing all figured out, and was not going to get roped into spending more than was absolutely necessary. Oh wait, Pringles sound good, two cans only a buck a piece woo-hoo! I sure would like some Orange Juice to go with my eggs, and what about fruit, yea fruit is always good. So, I head all the way back to the front of the grocery isle, and look through the apples before deciding on two golden apples and two granny smith apples, and 5 bananas! "Do I have any Mayonnaise in the fridge?" Don't know, Tuna sure will be dry without mayonnaise, alright, Ill buy the small jar.......Wait what about dinner?!! Oh yea, I can just eat Tuna!! That's Genius! I can see the dollars I am saving adding up by the moment. Ah man, I forgot that I need tooth paste, Is tooth paste really this expensive.....Hey what's this, some new mouth wash, hey it fights cavity, and fortifies teeth! and its a cool blue peppermint ah what the heck! Ill try it out. I sure am glad I don't have to buy razors today, those things are like expensive!
On to check out...I think Im going to make it out of this place pretty cheap today, but no more point of sale purchases! I already bit the dust on the orange juice, fruit, mayonnaise, and mouthwash! So here I go, if I can just make it through the check out line I will be golden, and....now I am loading the tuna, "man, did I really need all this tuna?", and the bread, fruit, mayonnaise, oran..ge....juice, "hey, I should buy some gum! I DID IT AGAIN!" So then I pay and leave! (Yes, I did buy the gum)
smith.joshualee@yahoo.com
I have e-mailed my address book with this change, but if for some reason I missed you, please take note, AFTER JULY SBC will no longer be active! (This is due, to me being tired of paying the bill on DSL!)
Okay on to the blog today!
So, now that my six month grace period for school loans is up, I am facing my first payment in July. As I stare at the due date, I realize that it is certainly time to start trying to budget a little better.
My first attempt at this new "budgeting experience" is to cut down on my infamous eating out. For some reason this has turned into quite the expensive habit! So upon generating ideas from friends, I have come to the conclusion that I should go buy some groceries! Well, I finally turned my truck into the Wal-Mart parking lot on Sunday, with the expectation of saving some major cash. As I walked down the isles I determined that I needed to buy easy, quick and cheap items in order to save time and money! So my first thoughts turned to Eggs, and Tuna Fish! (Not together of course, eggs for breakfast, Tuna for lunch). I walk up to the tuna isle and proceed to stack 16 cans of that wonderful processed fish product into my basket. Feeling quite content that I had enough protein to feed a small army, and only having spent about $10.00 I headed to buy bread....Two loaves of the generic wheat for under a buck a piece will do. Then onto the eggs, by this point I was sure that I had this shopping thing all figured out, and was not going to get roped into spending more than was absolutely necessary. Oh wait, Pringles sound good, two cans only a buck a piece woo-hoo! I sure would like some Orange Juice to go with my eggs, and what about fruit, yea fruit is always good. So, I head all the way back to the front of the grocery isle, and look through the apples before deciding on two golden apples and two granny smith apples, and 5 bananas! "Do I have any Mayonnaise in the fridge?" Don't know, Tuna sure will be dry without mayonnaise, alright, Ill buy the small jar.......Wait what about dinner?!! Oh yea, I can just eat Tuna!! That's Genius! I can see the dollars I am saving adding up by the moment. Ah man, I forgot that I need tooth paste, Is tooth paste really this expensive.....Hey what's this, some new mouth wash, hey it fights cavity, and fortifies teeth! and its a cool blue peppermint ah what the heck! Ill try it out. I sure am glad I don't have to buy razors today, those things are like expensive!
On to check out...I think Im going to make it out of this place pretty cheap today, but no more point of sale purchases! I already bit the dust on the orange juice, fruit, mayonnaise, and mouthwash! So here I go, if I can just make it through the check out line I will be golden, and....now I am loading the tuna, "man, did I really need all this tuna?", and the bread, fruit, mayonnaise, oran..ge....juice, "hey, I should buy some gum! I DID IT AGAIN!" So then I pay and leave! (Yes, I did buy the gum)
Monday, June 19, 2006
Happy Father's Day!
When I was about 10 years old, I was a chunky little guy, with black wire framed glasses, and course thick brown hair. On most Saturday mornings you could find me sitting, rather contently in front of the television, watching cartoons, and finishing up 3 or 4 bowls of fruity pebbles. If it were up to me, I would sit there all day along, or at least until about 1:00, when the X-men cartoons ended, and be quite happy.
One Saturday morning I was shaken to the depth of my being by an event that still brings a laugh to my father's heart, and a sparkle to his eye, every time he tells it. "That doesn't make any sense" you ask, surely your dad would not laugh at your mental anguish? Yes, he would, but it is understandable for a couple of reasons: 1. While he orchestrated an event that to this day has given me a fear of domesticated farm animals, he was also, in the process, teaching me a life long lesson (one of those father/son moments). 2. I have issues, so therefore the mental anguish is more because of me, not him.....
So, on to the story. As I was sitting 3 feet away from a 42" inch Mitsubishi Console TV one Saturday, in about Mid Summer, I hear the front door open and my dad stick his head in and tell me to come outside. In my mind, I was trying to gauge the tone in which he told me to move, (I wasn't sure if I should be worried that I had left something out in the yard after being told numerous times to remove such object). I remember being somewhat confused, but headed out the door anyway. When I got outside, my dad pointed to a hairy four legged animal standing about 50 yards away in our yard. As I stood beside my dad, a little groggy from leaving the comfortable air conditioned house and walking into 90+ degree heat, he says, "take this rope, tie around that goat and bring it down the street to its house". (You see, our neighbors had a small variety of small farm animals, and this so-called "goat" had escaped and decided that the grass in my front yard, of all places, was the best). By the way, I am still bitter about this.......and I am still bitter towards goats most of the time......Sometimes I have nightmares.
So, being the naive, obedient son,.....I think, "hey, no biggie, its just a goat, Ill head over, rope this guy, and be back in time for Garfield!" So, I grab the rope and confidently walk towards this somewhat innocent looking animal. It just stands there eating, with its back to me, like it couldn't care less about what I was doing. So, I walk right up to it, put the rope around its neck, and then it happens! ATTACK of the GOAT!!!!!!!!! (By the way, the goat had horns, very large, curved and mean looking horns!)
As I tried to slip the rope around its neck, the goat catches on to the situation, and decides that my hand will take the place of the grass! It actually tried to bite me, but me, having cat like reflexes, and having just seen a preview for the new x-men, intelligently reach up and grab the goats horns with both hands....now,.... I thought, I have total control, Of Course, my dad didn't seem to have this same confidence, as I could look and see him literally rolling on the ground laughing. But I wasn't bitter, of course I did yell at him, "DAD, THE GOAT TRIED TO BITE ME"! NOW ITS TRYING TO RAM ME WITH ITS HORNS! WHAT DO I DO?!!!!!!!
My father was somewhat unavailable for advice because he was too busy trying to stop laughing to catch his breath, and my dilemma of being rammed by a Billy Goat (the goat was the biggest goat I had ever seen!) (of course it also was the only real life goat I had seen), seemed to only make it more difficult for him to quit laughing.
At this point, I knew there was a crucial decision to be made, either wait around and get rammed and bitten, or run for my life, and pray that goats were not as fast as an overweight, somewhat slow 10 year old boy who was scared for his life......
I chose the latter of the two options.
Once again, with X-Men close in mind, I sling the goats horns as hard as I can away from me, and proceed to run faster than a cheetah with its tail on fire, down the drive way, past my dad (who at this time was sitting in a small pond of tears due to what is now considered the funniest moment in history, I guess), and into the front door of the house, where I slammed the door and fell on the couch in a whirlwind of emotion.
Needless to say, my dad finally composed himself, maybe an hour or so later, and took care of the goat for me. I would never be the same again after that day, and sometimes I contribute most of my issues to this single event of trauma.
Now how does all of this connect to the Word?
After reading in my quiet time this AM, I read a verse that at first I kinda chuckled over, but didn't really spend much time thinking about. Then at lunch today, I was going back over what I had read, and as I sat on my couch thinking, I busted out laughing. (No joke, this was a hard laugh, if someone had been in the room with me, Im sure I would have looked somewhat crazy). I just sat and started thinking about what I had read this morning, and it just reminded me of the story of the goat. So what verse am I referring to?
Exodus 4:1-4
In these verses, the Lord is instructing Moses from the burning bush, and he is specifically telling Moses the great signs he will use when in front of pharaoh to show the power the Lord. So picking up in verse 1:
"Then Moses answered, "But behold, they will not believe me or listen to my voice, for they will say, 'The Lord did not appear to you.'" The Lord said to him, "What is that in your hand?" He said, "A staff"And He (the Lord) said, "Throw it on the ground." So he(Moses) threw it on the ground, and it became a serpent, and Moses ran from it. But the Lord said to Moses, "Put out your hand and catch it by the tail" -so he put out his hand and caught it, and it became a staff in his hand-
When I started picturing old Moses, (remember this is not a coward of a man by any sort, He had killed a man, and when he saw the burning bush, he was like, Im going to walk right up to this thing and see what it is..)(that is until the Lord told him to stop, at which point he got pretty scared), I started thinking about him seeing that snake. Then I started thinking about how he took off running AAAHHHH!!!! when that snake appeared....(reminded me of how I took off when that goat tried to bite me). As I thought about this, I realized how important that the one little statement is, "Moses ran from it". How much more human of an attribute is there than a healthy fear of snakes? I mean, I don't know too many people (except for maybe my brother), who actually like these things. At the same time, I kind of picture God, in the place of my dad, chuckling to Himself at Moses's reaction. This to me, helps me put more of a physical understanding to my walk with the Lord. While He is the God and creator of all things, He is also a dear friend, and father, who sometimes teaches us things in our lives that seem monumentally scary, but in hind sight, we are able to see that He is total control of the situation, and only growing us stronger out of love for us.
You see, my dad, probably had a good idea all along what my reaction would be to the goat (me being his son, he knows me as well as I know myself probably better), and at the same time, he knew that the goat was not going to really hurt me, no matter what I did to it. In his mind, his love, and experience and wisdom had found a perfect opportunity through a real physical situation to teach me some important things about myself. At the same time, he probably knew the reaction was going to be a funny one, and that there would be more to come from it than just the lesson he was trying to teach. Through it all he was right on both accounts, and in the larger picture of things, that one scary goat situation has brought a lot of joy to many friends and family. (a lot of joy, even 15 years later).
One Saturday morning I was shaken to the depth of my being by an event that still brings a laugh to my father's heart, and a sparkle to his eye, every time he tells it. "That doesn't make any sense" you ask, surely your dad would not laugh at your mental anguish? Yes, he would, but it is understandable for a couple of reasons: 1. While he orchestrated an event that to this day has given me a fear of domesticated farm animals, he was also, in the process, teaching me a life long lesson (one of those father/son moments). 2. I have issues, so therefore the mental anguish is more because of me, not him.....
So, on to the story. As I was sitting 3 feet away from a 42" inch Mitsubishi Console TV one Saturday, in about Mid Summer, I hear the front door open and my dad stick his head in and tell me to come outside. In my mind, I was trying to gauge the tone in which he told me to move, (I wasn't sure if I should be worried that I had left something out in the yard after being told numerous times to remove such object). I remember being somewhat confused, but headed out the door anyway. When I got outside, my dad pointed to a hairy four legged animal standing about 50 yards away in our yard. As I stood beside my dad, a little groggy from leaving the comfortable air conditioned house and walking into 90+ degree heat, he says, "take this rope, tie around that goat and bring it down the street to its house". (You see, our neighbors had a small variety of small farm animals, and this so-called "goat" had escaped and decided that the grass in my front yard, of all places, was the best). By the way, I am still bitter about this.......and I am still bitter towards goats most of the time......Sometimes I have nightmares.
So, being the naive, obedient son,.....I think, "hey, no biggie, its just a goat, Ill head over, rope this guy, and be back in time for Garfield!" So, I grab the rope and confidently walk towards this somewhat innocent looking animal. It just stands there eating, with its back to me, like it couldn't care less about what I was doing. So, I walk right up to it, put the rope around its neck, and then it happens! ATTACK of the GOAT!!!!!!!!! (By the way, the goat had horns, very large, curved and mean looking horns!)
As I tried to slip the rope around its neck, the goat catches on to the situation, and decides that my hand will take the place of the grass! It actually tried to bite me, but me, having cat like reflexes, and having just seen a preview for the new x-men, intelligently reach up and grab the goats horns with both hands....now,.... I thought, I have total control, Of Course, my dad didn't seem to have this same confidence, as I could look and see him literally rolling on the ground laughing. But I wasn't bitter, of course I did yell at him, "DAD, THE GOAT TRIED TO BITE ME"! NOW ITS TRYING TO RAM ME WITH ITS HORNS! WHAT DO I DO?!!!!!!!
My father was somewhat unavailable for advice because he was too busy trying to stop laughing to catch his breath, and my dilemma of being rammed by a Billy Goat (the goat was the biggest goat I had ever seen!) (of course it also was the only real life goat I had seen), seemed to only make it more difficult for him to quit laughing.
At this point, I knew there was a crucial decision to be made, either wait around and get rammed and bitten, or run for my life, and pray that goats were not as fast as an overweight, somewhat slow 10 year old boy who was scared for his life......
I chose the latter of the two options.
Once again, with X-Men close in mind, I sling the goats horns as hard as I can away from me, and proceed to run faster than a cheetah with its tail on fire, down the drive way, past my dad (who at this time was sitting in a small pond of tears due to what is now considered the funniest moment in history, I guess), and into the front door of the house, where I slammed the door and fell on the couch in a whirlwind of emotion.
Needless to say, my dad finally composed himself, maybe an hour or so later, and took care of the goat for me. I would never be the same again after that day, and sometimes I contribute most of my issues to this single event of trauma.
Now how does all of this connect to the Word?
After reading in my quiet time this AM, I read a verse that at first I kinda chuckled over, but didn't really spend much time thinking about. Then at lunch today, I was going back over what I had read, and as I sat on my couch thinking, I busted out laughing. (No joke, this was a hard laugh, if someone had been in the room with me, Im sure I would have looked somewhat crazy). I just sat and started thinking about what I had read this morning, and it just reminded me of the story of the goat. So what verse am I referring to?
Exodus 4:1-4
In these verses, the Lord is instructing Moses from the burning bush, and he is specifically telling Moses the great signs he will use when in front of pharaoh to show the power the Lord. So picking up in verse 1:
"Then Moses answered, "But behold, they will not believe me or listen to my voice, for they will say, 'The Lord did not appear to you.'" The Lord said to him, "What is that in your hand?" He said, "A staff"And He (the Lord) said, "Throw it on the ground." So he(Moses) threw it on the ground, and it became a serpent, and Moses ran from it. But the Lord said to Moses, "Put out your hand and catch it by the tail" -so he put out his hand and caught it, and it became a staff in his hand-
When I started picturing old Moses, (remember this is not a coward of a man by any sort, He had killed a man, and when he saw the burning bush, he was like, Im going to walk right up to this thing and see what it is..)(that is until the Lord told him to stop, at which point he got pretty scared), I started thinking about him seeing that snake. Then I started thinking about how he took off running AAAHHHH!!!! when that snake appeared....(reminded me of how I took off when that goat tried to bite me). As I thought about this, I realized how important that the one little statement is, "Moses ran from it". How much more human of an attribute is there than a healthy fear of snakes? I mean, I don't know too many people (except for maybe my brother), who actually like these things. At the same time, I kind of picture God, in the place of my dad, chuckling to Himself at Moses's reaction. This to me, helps me put more of a physical understanding to my walk with the Lord. While He is the God and creator of all things, He is also a dear friend, and father, who sometimes teaches us things in our lives that seem monumentally scary, but in hind sight, we are able to see that He is total control of the situation, and only growing us stronger out of love for us.
You see, my dad, probably had a good idea all along what my reaction would be to the goat (me being his son, he knows me as well as I know myself probably better), and at the same time, he knew that the goat was not going to really hurt me, no matter what I did to it. In his mind, his love, and experience and wisdom had found a perfect opportunity through a real physical situation to teach me some important things about myself. At the same time, he probably knew the reaction was going to be a funny one, and that there would be more to come from it than just the lesson he was trying to teach. Through it all he was right on both accounts, and in the larger picture of things, that one scary goat situation has brought a lot of joy to many friends and family. (a lot of joy, even 15 years later).
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